Not for nothing, the best-selling pokemon game is based around a world where people capture and breed wild animals only to have them fight each other. Mike Vick went to jail for that.
As you may have guessed, this is a rant. Maybe not a pure rant but one that has a few things that I need to ‘get off my chest’ so to speak. I am in a mental space where stress is my primary. Most of that stems from the unfortunate reality of my life, which is most of the people in it hate me or want to use me or take me for granted or seek to further their manipulations in ways I cannot fully explain or describe.
Let’s start at the beginning. I am divorced. In the years following that divorce my mother decided that she preferred a relationship with my ex-wife to one with her own son. This has worsened over the years to the point where now as my mid kid is graduating, my ex is the one hosting my mother-in-law who, and this is true, won’t even tell me where she is staying or even when she is coming. As hate begets hate in my world I have opted to end all future personal contact with her. I’ll send flowers for birthdays and holidays, but I have absolutely nothing left to say to that person. Or the ex, really. Except the ex is always around the sporting events with the kids. So I live in a world where I am faced with hate and manipulation all the time and the things I most enjoy being a part of carry with them the odor of interactions I don’t want to have. Even if I avoid those interactions there is always the perception and concern at home they are still occurring… which is worse.
I think everyone deserves to be happy and deserves an opportunity to enjoy the world around them. For me enjoyment is difficult because there is a constant cloud over everything I love and an unspoken indication that I need to figure out new and different shit to love. Except that isn’t natural or healthy, is it?