it is a curious thing to be a fan of something or perhaps someone and be resigned to that entities utter futility. It is at once an occupation and a curse. You cheer and follow but you do not believe, like praying to a dead God. It often feels like being the butt of a joke or the object of coming ridicule. It’s like being a fan of Richard Bachman but not Stephen King. You’re actively making the choice to believe in a thing when there is a better thing to believe in right there Why do people do that? Why do people build comrade die and community around random names and colors and, over time, dig in hard enough to call it culture regardless of having no control over the course or shape of the thing? Why do I?
There is no good reason that I do it beyond Sunken Cost. Once you’ve invested so much it is hard to imagine letting it all go. We don’t have a good mechanism for letting stuff go. We hold on, dig in hard enough to make it a part of our self-worth. If this country is insulted then I’m insulted. This state, this city, this block, this team, this player. We don’t see enough in ourselves to be the topic of discussion—the rally point—so we get behind something that is. We settle in. We draft behind it with a thousand other people and feel safe in the wake of the group we are in.
We feel immortal because the thing, the idea, we follow is immortal and will outlast us. It will exist after we do not and we will exist because our allegiance to it. We make these Gods of things and people over which we have no control and the more we stake ourselves to it the more control that stake has over us over who we are seen as and how we see ourselves.
I still do it. I don’t know how to stop.