Not feeling the best today.
I try to manifest the best version of myself every day and it doesn’t always work. Today I had a great morning. The afternoon fell apart. The stress of the day caught up with me and I was not the best to the Lady, and I internalized a lot of garbage. That is no way to live. I am really tired of these halfway days where it feels like it is a trap to feel like things are going well. Not only does it make me gun shy to relax, it makes me fearful that every day is going to be progressively worst than the last. It’s like that old military saying: The only easy day was yesterday. Maybe its the only good day was yesterday. Well, yesterday was a good day, so I am hoping this was only a brief downhill, because I cannot do all downhill from here. I simply do not have it in me.
I came here for a moment of what this life could look like, and how happy we could be in it. This is the experience I aim to have, though not the one I am having. It isn’t all about the day. It is a cascade of noise slowly filling my head. Want to hear more? Well, I’ll share in…
Some Thoughts:
- Planned a daytrip to see the kid play in Colorado. Wound up with a stressful fit. We land at 11. Game is at 12…. 53 minutes away. Still need to get off the plane, get to the rental (big airport) get the rental, and then hightail it to the stadium where we will find our tickets waiting. Definitely missing the first quarter. Only to have to get back on the road by 5:00 to make an 8:55 flight home. That leaves us four, four and a half hours MAX to enjoy this moment. This wasn’t the best plan.
- Did nothing on the novel. Not a good start.
- Did nothing on the grading, so that is piling up.
- Time to time it feels like there is a hill directly ahead of my own making. Each time this happens the hill gets bigger and harder to climb. One day I will not be able to climb it.
- Or maybe I’m just crazy maudlin today.
- Maybe both are true…