Day: November 22, 2025

I go t my youtube ASMR on for this one. I’ve taken up with Zenfinite. From John Butler to random chill moments like the Women’s Chess Grand Prix, the channel is consistently dropping bangers. Okay, that term is a tough one to use in this type of media, but they are on the max chill. ASMR helps me relax before (and occasionally while) I write. I use it to block out the rest of the world and to achieve a state of mind where I can maintain a high level of focus. I use that focus to get stuff done.

That’s been on my mind a lot lately: What am I getting done? As I move through this latest and last novel revision I find that I am dodging my AI novel. I am looking for anything else to write in order to avoid writing this thing and it is supposed to be my thesis! I haven’t gotten to the point where I know the story and how to tell it well enough. I haven’t aligned with the characters or sorted out the situation in full. I don’t know that I know how.

These are the things I find myself constantly considering and thinking about when my mind is not consumed by my relationship, future, or the awful timpani of my finances. I think about what I will write and whether it will be successful and if I will make enough money to live out my life the way I want. As I do I see this curtain comming down closing the act that I am presently in faster than I am prepared for it to be over.

Too much stress in that. ASMR definitely helps.

Two years. Possibly three. That is all he has left.

When my son started this journey to become a professional athlete I was impressed with the idea of it and the effort. I wanted the same for myself, but I didn’t put in the work the way he has. I don’t know that I knew what it takes to make it to the show. I’m starting to figure it out. 1.6% of College football players make it to the NFL. What’s even more amazing is how few players even make it to the field in spite of heavy recruiting and the way the system is geared on the front end to make you feel like a superstar. Those are the stories we love to talk about. We love hearing how this high school 5 star turned into a pro champion. We also love hearing the other story–the one about the kid who had zero stars and excelled beyond his supposed ceiling because he worked his ass off. That’s the script my kid is following.

He didn’t have a single star coming out of high school. He was a 16 year old kid with great grades and even better drive playing out of position in a team that didn’t know how to win football games. He’d seen four head coaches in four years and only been a full time starter two of those years–and not consecutively. He’s had to fight for it at every level. He went to Drake and played on an academic scholarship and earned the starting spot. He went to Northern Colorado on a football scholarship and fought his way onto the NIL list and team poster. On a team where the entire story is how they’re doing it with Colorado kids, he’s the transfer from Arizona who is sitting on the poster for the whole school to see.

The season started well. They accumulated 3 wins. By the time the conference games were underway they’d hit a wall. The offense faltered. The defense was on the field far too long, and they started losing close games. Then those games weren’t so close. The kid’s confidence took a hit. Then he got sick; lost 30 lbs. By the time he was back the HC was looking towards the future, moving to a rotation that got almost everyone in the CB room involved. He started, but played less than half the games.

Setbacks are his fuel. It is the last week and he has his mind right. Let’s see how far tomorrow can take him.