Month: December 2025

Happy New Year’s Eve, everyone.

I’m celebrating with half of my family. The other half declined, and while that stings something awful, I have to remember that I am not alone and without them, the ex would be. So, they made the right choice. Life is full of choices. We’re each living one long storyform where we branch at every moment. Some of those branches lead us to happiness. Others lead to despair or even worse. Some merely continue us down the path of normalcy, or as I call it, mediocrity. I am not happy with everything in my life and I am having a terrible time with allergies right now, but in the long and short of things, I’m doing quite good. I’ve had an amazing year. Next year promises to be even better in terms of production and successes. I will likely gain an MFA and with it the possibility to relocate and secure a new job in a new place with a fresh start as my youngest graduates from High School and moves on to college. That is the end of an era.

That is the beginning of a new act.

I am excited to see what the future brings for them, as well as for me. I want it to go well. I want us all to have the level of happiness I wish for at all times. I’m looking forward to seeing what this new future brings.

I received my 2026 calendar in the mail. It is roughly half the size of the 25, which always appears to be the case when ordering from Amazon. They do send you the smallest items unless you ask for the one that is right-sized. Nevertheless, a smaller calendar means more whiteboard space. I don’t have a massive layered whiteboard where I can slide aside layers to show story stuff or anything even close, but I do have a board and it does have stuff on it. Mostly love notes from the Lady Talis and story notes from the Torathae, but it is going to have more space for more things now. Stories, most likely–after I use it to plan out these 8 classes and a schedule that works very very well for me.

Most of the issues with scheduling comes down to not wanting to be working when my love is around. So, I try to build a system that avoids that. It only works effectively during the school year, as otherwise she is around and I no longer wish to work. Dedicated writer I am, but not more than dedicated husbando… and dedicated gamer. Sometimes more than dedicated gamer. I’ll post on that bit tomorrow or soon after.

Some Thoughts:

1. Blue bow day. Did a ton of backyard work (unfinished). Did a toilet repair (finished).
2. My birthday is during one spring break but not the other.
3. Gotta schedule February quite succinctly. Short month, but also there is a holiday and a conference. Online week is happening. I think what I’ll do is stage the 3 sections of the comic book for February, March, April at the end of each month.

I went to the blog this morning and saw ‘Reflections on a Sunday Night’ and thought immediately that I’d screwed up. I thought, “It’s Tuesday. I missed Monday entirely.” Turns out it is Monday today. That is proof of how disconnected I am from the normal world when I am not working a steady 9-5 job. I’ll be back in that world a few weeks from now and feeling the weight of it in my soul to be sure. In spite of having a rather incredible schedule, I do have this lingering sense of discomfort when it comes to being at work. That has everything to do with being at the end rather than the beginning of an experience. My kids are getting older. My world is shifting. I’m ready to move on and out of the desert. To where? That certainly remains to be seen.

It all boils down to affordability and work possibility. We’ve looked across the Pacific Northwest for opportunities, and as I upgrade my degree I am seeking additional opportunities online. I want to be able to spend my next 50 years in happiness. Heck, I want a next 50 years. I think I get 20-30 good ones unless medicine makes some incredible leaps, and I don’t want those good ones to be wasted here chasing down other people’s dreams. The Lady Talis and I are ready to live our own dreams and lives in a space that comes to life around us.

But where?

I have five boys. Two live with me full time. The others, apparently, don’t want to be here. Their life isn’t here. Their joy isn’t here, which by default means that I am not a part of any of that. It hurts. It is a terrible feeling to give so much of yourself and your life to people who simply do not care about you the way you care about them. You see it all the time in relationships. I see it less in parental relationships–in fact I am more used to the other side of the coin where my parents couldn’t care much less about me. Perhaps that is the truth I’ve been avoiding. Perhaps it is me.

I am very easy to be taken for granted. I do not demand much from people, which I always thought was a good thing. I’m falling into doubt about that, though I am not completely sure it is the issue at all. I don’t know, it is just hard to see the other two boys and the daughter on this side care so much about their mom and know that not a single kid has that depth of connection with me. Sad, but true. I’m a second level parent… A backup.

Some Thoughts:

1. First time I’ve had to go to the ASMR well in weeks. This time its singing bowls. I reach for this kind of stuff when I feel off or awful. Today is the latter.
2. Minecraft note: You can put up to three worlds in a realms account and play that realm across platforms. It is also a nifty way to upload and download your world across platforms, which is ideally what I think I intend to use it for with the Switch2.

I have pages due. 15 to be exact. I need to get on that as it is the only true responsibility that I have leading into the new year. I’m going to get it done prior to the new year, and then, for a moment, I will have nothing due. No responsibility whatsoever. This constitutes a year-end reset for me as I move into the spring semester and all that it brings. I have at least 11 students in all of my classes, which is going to be enough for some but not necessarily the Games Studies Course. I hope that one does find its people, because I’ve enjoyed growing the course into an experience worth entertaining. Yet my work is far from done. I am ready to keep building that and the others. 8 classes being taught and two being taken. This is going to be quite the spring of joy.

Some Thoughts:

1. Observed some secondaries in the bowl season. Yikes. Folks need my kid.
2. In general the bowl season is not attracting fans. Sooner than later these guys are going to get with it and turn it into the FCS 24 team series. It works.
3. Taking a break from audiobooks for a while. It could mean taking a break from crafting as well. I don’t craft without that background beat. I am thinking of doing a few podcasts, so that is an option.
4. I am also thinking about what games to download on my new Switch2. I am considering Pokemon… Do I have that grind in me?
5. I love that my boys come home and tell me about their day and their lives. This is my stepkids… the blood ones aren’t doing that without extreme prodding…

Twas the day after Christmas, I noted with cheer,
It is one step closer to this, a new year!

I’m choosing happiness this year. It is in fact a choice. The Lady Talis was kind enough to remind me of the spirit of choice and happiness this past day, while subtly pointing out how dark this blog has become (Thanks, Trump!). I believe happiness is entwined with acceptance. I knew this once before. I knew this when I served as a rehab counselor to young people far from the proper path. I knew that we must accept the things we cannot change. That is as important as having the courage to shape the things we can.

What I can and cannot change is a long list of things that are often thought of this time of year. It is, after all, a new year and with that comes great proclamations of what we will do over the following 365 days (or posts if you read it as I do). My list is for another day. My thoughts for today are of son and rain and the outdoors and love and long walks and life lived. My thoughts swirl around like the smoke rising from my coffee, moving from moment to memory. I am a better person today than I was yesterday, and that trajectory is the most I can ask for ever.

Some Thoughts:

1. Happy Kwanzaa!!!
2. Happy Boxing Day!

I’m really bad at the game today. I guess I have been for a while. Correlation isn’t causation but I have been drowning myself in addictive but terrible (and highly AI assisted I think) fiction. I’m obsessing over this series and to an equal extent the furthering of my Minecraft Dark Tower. It’s become quite the passion project. However, I think I would’ve been better suited using obsidian.

Games and bad fiction; this is what my break became. It is destructive to the point of blogging now in bed at the end of a long and at times lovely Xmas day. I forgot to do it earlier. I also poorly managed my ‘me’ time during the day. This too is a recurring theme. Time to get back to work. Time to lock in and try to find a way to get back on track in my professional and writing life. I haven’t done too well with that or with the fitness side of things but I am trying to move forward with all of it. Problem is, I don’t have a legitimate plan. Sweating, I suppose, is the first step.

Twas the night before Christmas
On this an odd year
Not just the number, not just the fear.

The Trumpers are filling their warehouses without care
Won’t be long before ‘legals’ are found inside there.

Of course it is deportation I’m talking about
The thing that lead to this election rout.

Yet here on the eve of our richest holiday
There should be some kind things that I have to say.

I look and I look and I search with great fright
To find a single thing that could cause delight.

At long last I find it, from history past.
I remember how last time we dumped his fat ass.

He remembers too, It truly does appear.
For he’s coating everything in his gold smear.

I think that the Grinch could learn a thing or three
From our infamous President, Mr. Fat Goldy.

But here’s what I’ve learned from now times and nigh.
I’ve learned that all things must, eventually die.

Be it countries, or systems, or that thing called hope.
In the end we all find ourselves at the end of a rope.

And here in the US that’s settled quite deep.
Enough so that the country is run by a creep.

So pass shall this and he.
In time the gold one will vacate DC.

I end this strange poem with a nod to that day.
in 2028 we’ll sing hip hip hooray.

The Lady Talis and I are discussing where to spend the summer. It is times like these I feel happiness for two things: Kids who can housesit, and a life where we can actually get out and experience the wonders of this planet while we are healthy enough to do it. I know that window is closing in one way or another. We are closing in on the era of caring for our own parents and trying to figure out what (how) that means. I wish we started earlier. I wish she and I had a longer life together. I want more. I always want more. I’m greedy like that. Still, I am happy for what I have and intend to do the best I can with that time.

This includes traveling across this wondrous planet and writing great stories along the way. She has become fond of my garbage in, garbage out line without apparently realizing that I’ve been applying that to every aspect of our lives. I think we are better people when we have better experiences. Travel is an experiences that we need–I need–in order to produce better content for the world.

Which brings us to Turin. I don’t know much about the location besides the connection to a particular shroud. She’s done more research than I. It feels like an option. It feels like an opportunity. Why is it less expensive to spend three months in Turin than it is to spend three months in Washington State given similar accommodations? It feels like the better look is to get out. Heck, If we manage to find a place that has a lower monthly fee than our mortgage… You get the idea.

The Holiday is playing in the background as I write this and I am struck by how good the writing is for this film. I’m often struck by how good writing about writing tends to be. This is a reflection of the concept, write what you know. That’s one of those I think are worth listening to, unlike the classic those who can’t teach. Perhaps that one ought to be those who have, teach. Because the real teachers are the ones who have some deep and lasting connection to the medium. I, for example, write and teach and I feel confident in doing both. On the other hand I know teachers in my school who teach creative writing but don’t ever publish.

they aren’t the best teachers.

I’m not the best but I have a lot to offer in terms of practical experience. I think teaching is often about practice and about practical experience. These are the things I think I think. Here are a few more…

Some Thoughts:

1. Playoffs came down to one night and one game. The Niners ruined me.
2.