Month: January 2026

I have to type slow on the phone so this might not be as long as most. The thoughts here are full and deep so o may return to the idea soon, but having it on my mind now I figured I should cast it out to the world. I’m thinking about the future and this idea of moving somewhere along the Juan de Fuca and it occurs to me that it may be a better fit to air bnb the situation long term. The cost of a monthly stay is less than it would cost to uproot life, get new jobs, and deal with the rates of home ownership as they are now. Also there’s that 30 year loan.

There is more to it than this, of course. We have parents to look after who won’t move with us, meaning responsibility outside of the fresh start, and the lack of flexibility is a big one for me. I want to explore the world and spend real time in places and the Airbnb option allows for that. This is a real consideration, given the state of things in the world. Temporary feels like a safer bet than anything permanent and fixed.

I spend enough time in Seattle that coming back to the city feels a lot like coming home. We have our places we go. We have our walks we take. And… The food… All of these trips are about food to some extent, and this one is no different. In fact, the main food attraction isn’t even open this go round, so we need to come back to get that handled in a month or two. Seattle is not New York. It is not nearly as sleepless as the film stock would have you believe. In fact, most of the city is done by 7pm and the streets, when not empty, find themselves home to the tribe of homeless and drug users. They are mostly harmless to everyone but themselves, though. So long as you know how to act, you’ll be fine. We’ve been fine the entire short time we have been here and we have been insanely happy the entire time we’ve been here. Trust that it isn’t just the food.

The Pacific Northwest is where we want to be or somewhere climate similar in a land where we don’t need to deal with the massively harmful and stupid politics of the current USA. I love the walking and the weather. I love how the Lady Talis and I feel when we are here. I love how I feel in my skin when we are here.

Tomorrow we will be gone–back to the desert and back to the classroom and me back to the words in force. The 16 week countdown is underway come Monday morning. Time to start the show.

I’d been trying to figure out why I was feeling so much better this morning. I thought at first it was about the trip to Seattle, but I’ve been riding that glow for days. Something else had shifted in my soul, making me smile a bit brighter. Then I remembered that I hadn’t checked the news. That was it for sure.

if I engage with the wider world —especially in terms of the IS

The us news machine then it is going to dim my reality. If I leave things be and let my world stay small and or in the dark about these things I cannot impact at present, I’m good. I practically glow. It is a bit of the point of how they run this mess: their brand is chaos and that means we cannot keep up with the cavalcade of nonsense being done to the point that we lose sight of how much illness is being foisted upon the world. It is sickening and draining and the moment I log off, I can begin to heal. So not logging on first thing is probably a good thing. I want to be informed, yes, but I want to ground myself first. Then I’ll step a foot into the icky waters of US antics. But only a foot. I cannot drown in the mess we are making less it drown my spirit entirely.

I was trying not to make this rent, but I don’t know if that’s going to work. Here’s the deal. The portal is way too big. The problem I’m having is that I’m a father and my son is in that portal filled with 9000 other players. A number I’m offering might not be the real thing but it is at least an estimate that is based on perceptions by people close to or having access to report now

what does that mean to me? it means that I have to find a way to help my son navigate this very dangerous and tricky situation as he tries to move towards his next step in college football and towards becoming a professional player. This is the way things are now. Everyone is trying to make money and everyone is trying to feel the best team. It was always like this but now everything is supposedly upfront and on the table. However, we can see from recent events that not everything is always as upfront as it seems. a childhood friend is in the portal or trying to be . He is being held back by his school because he signed a contract with that school and then opted to go to the portal. They won’t let him. They feel that he has a legal obligation, so we’ll see what happens with that. I’ll also see with my kid because this thing is getting crazier and crazier by the day. I don’t know how to be helpful in the whole situation. But I want is for him to have a chance to play and grow and learn and become a better band and a better football player. But I don’t know how to make that happen. It’s a stressful moment as a dad to be powerless in a situation when your son is suffering. Learning how to deal with that is, I guess, a part of our fatherhood as Well.

You can tell by me forgetting to publish last night that the negative energy really got to me. It’s a flaw. It is also why I struggle in leadership roles. I don’t want to people-please. I also don’t want to deal with their negativity. I’m turning my attention back to writing and towards the classroom and towards this summer’s travel (as well as graduation right before). I need to shift towards possibility and the powerful impact of travel and the beauty of being somewhere alone with the Lady Talis all to myself. We need more of that in our lives. Here’s to getting it.

Some Thoughts:

1. Two graduations happening this year. Another next year and we are officially free to move away from the heat.
2. Don’t know where or when yet. Still. getting into it.

I am particularly sensitive to negative energy. I think that is why I had so much anger s a kid. New York is a particularly angry city and channeling that was not healthy for me. Sucks then that I live in a space that occasionally drifts into hard negative energy. What I need to do for myself is to be present in the moment and aware of how the energy is impacting me. Once I see it, I can move away from it. I can avoid letting it sneak up on me and do the damage it is capable of doing. I wasn’t able to remove myself this evening and instead stewed in it, distracted and trying to center within myself to avoid soaking up all of that bad energy.

Turns out I could use some time away.

Some Thoughts:

1. The portal is a lot more dangerous this year than it was last year. The kids getting deals this early are the top and or already had deals before they went in. The kid hasn’t landed yet, but it is only coming up on Day 4. We’ll see what the Waiver Wire post shows…
2. Finished the fantasy season with a first time winner. Gotta order that Trophy!

Well, I got really fat.

Since I returned to the USA I’ve gained 20 lbs. This is dangerous weight. This explains the knee pain and the feeling of not being very attractive (which as a result of the puffing I am very much not). Look good, feel good. Feel good, write good. You write good, they pay good. They pay good, you live good. This, based on a Deionism, is how I see the situation now. I gotta get back to looking and feeling good… So I can write good and live good.

I’m feeling a bit better about content–meaning I have stories I could write. The connection to those stories is tenuous, like an out of focus image, but I think I can reach for them… maybe find them. I am hopeful that these next few grad classes will expose me to opportunities to unlock some story as I move into finally (finally) doing this big novel.

Gotta go to the gym more first… Gotta look good.

Some Thoughts:

1. Really disliking the Marvel Universe as it turns towards this next phase. The last phase was very bad, and though there are some moments in the new phase as shown through the TV shows, mostly, it isn’t breaking new ground or telling good stories. You gotta be able to do something that makes the viewers feel something other than disappointment… No matter how many top actors you pay. I have some hope for Wonderman. I will watch the next season of Daredevil as well as any of the Punisher stuff they put out, but even that is not solid anymore.

So, the novel is out. I’m excited and a little worried about sales and all, but overall, this is a very very good development. No reviews yet, and I don’t know how I feel about reviews overall anymore. I am walking down the positivity road, so any review argues that someone bothered to read it. There’s that. Outside of what other people think, I realize that this was a challenging book for me in a number of ways. The original version is far removed from the finished product, and that journey was definitely one of growth. It was very meaningful growth both as a writer and as someone being a part of an industry. Eventually I will be paid for the writing and feel quite happier by result.

That isn’t the only thing on my mind, however. Football always lurks back there, both as a focus of fun but lately as a stressor when it comes to my kids. I am watching the impact that the glam of the sport can have. My CFB player son is in the portal. Still. His agent promised all sorts of action and the near guarantee of moving “up” to the FBS level like the kid wants. However, the portal opened yesterday and we have not heard a thing. I may have had some really overstated expectations there, given that the portal stays open till the 16th (I thought the 12th). Muc of that centered around the concepts of start of semester and Spring Ball. I figured the interested schools would reach out right away if he was a top choice. Nobody has. This could means a number of things–namely that he isn’t a top choice. That is good in a way, because it means he will need to earn it. He’s really good at earning it. He’s really bad when he feels he already deserves it. The school that seems to want him the most is dealing with a shift in personnel. New DC, meaning new system to an extent. Let’s hope the kid still fits into the plan.

The thing I forgot to really focus on yesterday is energy. We are blessed to be able to have lives and memories and experiences. I recognize that. I also recognize how all of that can be interpreted in terms of what we don’t have, who we are jealous of, and how we feel slighted by other people. Few people in the public eye embody that weakness more than President Trump, and I believe the country, as a result, has tipped towards embodying that aspect of what it means to be an American. So, this year I am truly focusing on reshaping my energy towards the positive and looking forward to making gains in how many people I can help steer towards the brighter part of their lives.

I am also looking for balance, and being a writer helps with that. It gives me space to have these conversations in a way that expels the darkness from myself. Forgive me if the stories themselves grow too dark as a result. I am going to find a way to strike a balance there as well, but it may take more time. In trith, time is my greatest ally here. This year I have time to shape my remaining future in the way I want. It is a major time of transition. I am preparing for the last of the kids to graduate. I am preparing for at least one kid to settle down and start building their foundation of where they plan to be in life. I too am planning to make those choices with the Lady Talis this year, though it appears more and more that we will be splitting time between multiple locations for the foreseeable future. I could be okay with that. A place for every season, as it were.

All of these are the first steps forward into the rest of our lives. All of these steps must radiate with intention and positive energy. Long in this blog have I said ‘garbage in, garbage out’. So now I have to be mindful in what I allow myself to ingest, because it does shape my energy. I don’t need to hear about all of the terrible things Trump and those connected to him are doing. I’m resolved to voting his people out ASAP. I don’t need to dwell on what failures I’ve had. I’m resolved to finding a better path to success.

Since I first watched the Luke Cage show my motto has been ‘Always forward’. Time to live that way.

The Lady Talis and I have been talking about intentions. She is a person who sets clear intentions. I intend to be. This is what I would have formally (and formerly) referred to as a resolution. There is distinction in terms. Language gives space for nuance and also opportunity. An intention falls under the territory of opportunity and belief system in my mind. I will use this year to set clear intentions and goals about my future all the while being grateful for each additional day of consciousness I am allowed by the universe.

We are all up against that ticking clock. The older I get the more I hear the thunderous chime of the hands turning. They don’t spin any faster or slower than they ever did, nor do I believe in the concept of running out of time as it is commonly explained. Running out of time, to me, indicates that there was and always has been a limit of time. I think that limit is preset. I think we always die when we are supposed to (which is why I love the Final Destination series concept). I fear that when people speak of running out of time they ascribe it to age, when age and aging have almost no impact on it save for that the older you get, the more you realize how little time you possibly have left.

I’m realizing it on my end and it scares and empowers me. So, what comes next?

Some Thoughts:

1. My Youtube Year in Review pointed to Zenfinite as my top visit. That got me thinking about how the movements we make digitally leave a footprint and how these footprints create a path towards our inner psyche. I often wonder who people reveal themselves to be when they think others are not watching. That footprint can be extremely telling. Youtube isn’t the only one watching. Google personalizes your search results by default. Instagram and other social media sources are quite open about doing such. We collectively call this the algorithm and it really does speak to who we are.
2. I was going to write something else but I entirely forgot what it was…
3. Maybe the intention this year ought to be to strengthen my mind and memory.