Month: February 2026

I am having a troublingly hard time being home. It isn’t for a lack of love of place or people. The fact is, my mother presses all the wrong buttons. She is a difficult woman when it comes to me, because she at once demands fealty and demeans. It is as though my role is to be beneath her and she needs me to love that. I don’t know how to do that. I don’t know how to remain quiet and let her say her stuff in her spin and tell me all these things about what is right and wrong and what I should do and how I should live and simply remain quiet throughout the process. I no longer have the same patient tolerances for holding my tongue and eating my sadness. I admit it leaks out and infects everything else. I’m pretty sure I got into a spat with the Lady Talis last night over an unrelated matter simply as a result of being maxed out.

I love here. I cannot live here.

In spite of all the good there is also so much familial strife that is not good. I feel like I am sacrificing the overall happiness of everyone for these incredible moments of happiness from simply walking around and being happy in a thriving vibrant place where people actually want progress. Not to sound too political, but perhaps that is a fundamental difference of the baseline republicans and democrats. Most of the Republican places I’ve been to or lived in don’t much like the change. The sameness (or turning back the clock) is the way they want it.

Makes me wonder if I am misunderstanding Cittaslow, as the Italians call it. Slow life is nice but does it mean stagnant? It is something I need to consider a lot more closely now that I realize the mess of here and start to unravel all these tightly wound emotions and situational awarenesses. Above all else, I know that tomorrow is the end of this brief journey and I’ll be back in the desert grind (that isn’t a grind) and I’ll have to figure out how to navigate all of that nonsense again.

Some Thoughts:

1. Absolutely Bonkers Headline of the Day: ” Americans’ sympathies in the Israeli-Palestinian conflict have shifted dramatically, new poll shows” Spoiler Alert: We started to realize Genocide is at play… and it ain’t the Israelis going extinct.
2. Just bought that happy Harry Potter backpack. And a British long ton of butter beer. yee!

I love it here.

Well, good blog. No, seriously. There is not a bunch more that needs to be spoken on the subject. Left the house around 10 AM. Wandered back around 10 PM. I cannot remember a time I was out of my house in AZ for 12 hours at a time just exploring the city. If anyone in my house is away from home for longer than two hours over the course of a day they probably went to work or school. We are like that and I don’t like that. The level of stuck in the mud is pretty obscene for a desert. Here I do more. Here I truly am more.

See, I love it here.

This is not about being raised here so much as it is about loving all of the things to see, do, experience even in the dead of winter. I don’t pretend to know how to do a quarter of the things I can do for free in NYC for less than $100 an activity in AZ. Sure, I spent money today–a family dinner and a lunch for just me and the wife, but we walked for hours. That was entirely free. I need to live in a space where I can move around like that and where there are places to land when doing so. It feels so good to be able to be in a space where that happens. I could really lose weight here.

Unfortunately, I live there. I sit at a desk most of the day everyday and when I get up I got nowhere to be. I walk on a track or ride a stationary bike or maybe take the same outdoor walk to and from the same park as it is the only way to get any real mileage in. It is not conducive to the person I am to do these things. I don’t feel good doing them or find that my energy and attitude reflect growth mindset when I am doing them. It is not working for me.

I need a better plan.

Some Thoughts:

1. Absolutely Bonkers Headline of the Day: “Lawmakers say US military used laser to take down Border Protection drone” False flag attack… wild.
2. This was the second choice: “US hockey player Brady Tkachuk slams White House TikTok as ‘clearly fake’ after anti-Canada slur” Big News day…
3. In other news, the Harry Potter Store in NYC is fantastic. Finally found the scrabble backpack of my dreams. They were sold out of it, so that sucks… but now I know the real merch website.

I recently confessed to my brother that I believe GIJoe lied to us all. Knowing, in fact, only occupies a portion of the battle space. There’s quite a bit of other crap that goes into the battle that weighs a lot heavier than knowing. For example: I know why Phoenix impacts me the way it does. I continue to deepen my understanding of that, yet it isn’t even close to half the battle. Heck, the battle hasn’t even started. I’m 6 days from the 1 year mark of the 8th iteration of this blog and I am still sorting out how to fix my problems in life. I am falling back on the classic, write it all down, philosophy (less knowing than planning I suppose, but if that is what they meant… fine). That is progress. Perhaps organization is half the batttle.

In the end, I should not be taking life advice from Hasbro. I should be realizing that I have mad enough missteps in my life to recognize where I go wrong and how to get myself right wherever I am. The problems–the largest ones–are time, finance, and motivation. That last bit is hampered by the proliferation of social media. Youtube got me for a while there. It started because I was trying to find distraction from the hideous background noise that pervades the home. I’m realizing that this is going to be self-regulated in a short while. So, I need to peel myself off the you-teat. Once I break that weak dopamine cycle I can start rebuilding my motivation. Time exists. Time Management is a hot mess, so the writing everything down should start working on that problem. That leaves Money.

I don’t know how to solve the money crisis. Occasional lotto purchases aren’t doing it. I need a solid and serious financial plan to get my family right. Presently, I intend to fix the other two issues first and let the money problem become fixable as a result of the other two. This is all going to work out over time. It just isn’t going to work itself out.

Some Thoughts:

1. Absolutely Bonkers Headline of the Day: “Canada pledges food aid for Cuba as US fuel blockade continues” What are we even doing here?

No, I am not watcvhing the State of the Union. Actually, I am sitting in my hotel room trying to figure out how to get out and into the cold New York night. We don’t have a lot of time here, and I don’t wish to feel like any of it was wasted. While a night in at “home” is standard, a night in here feels like a missed opportunity. Still, a night in might not be the worst thing. We still have each other. Corny? Perhaps. True? Always. I don’t have a better time with anyone else in the world. Never have. Never will. The Lady Talis is my Ride or Die.

Meanwhile, the next few days are pretty packed with activity. As the conference concludes, the real travel begins. We have family things with everyone ranging from meeting new folks at dinner to popping in on the girls’ school for a black history month event. Somewhere along the way we will find time for plays, music, and museums… and the Harry Potter Store. Because life without Butterbeer is stupid.

Personally, I am feeling much more refreshed. I had to get out of the slog. Arizona is everything I said it was over the last two posts. It isn’t even about the kids so much as it is about the place not ever changing and as a result being utterly stagnant as a culture and as a community. This is true on all levels of it, from the family, to the ‘hood, to everything around it. When I had football that gave me something different. Without it every single day is the same with nothing to look forward to. My kids only encapsulate that sameness as a symptom as opposed to being the cause. I can always rest assured I will wake up to the same stupid videos, the same student complaints, and the same routine. Here, and on every extended vacation, we shape our own routine.

Wouldn’t it be nice if home was like that? Maybe in future posts I’ll get back to thinking why it is not…

Some Thoughts:

1. Absolutely Bonkers Headline of the Day: “Louvre Museum director resigns in the wake of October’s brazen French crown jewels heist” How did they not get fired?
2. My eczema is really really terrible. I hate the itch. Need help.

Here is a truth I have learned about American Politics: Republicans always win. Because they couldn’t care less about the rules or anything but winning. The entire setup is a grift for them. I mean, what I am saying is not new and there is a inconvenient truth that the party is seen by most churches in the USA as the Party of God, but what they stand for is often anything but. It doesn’t truly matter, because so long as they do the basic things their influencers require, they will continue to win and then they will be immune to any wrongdoing or their part because nobody on their side cares if or is even willing to believe they are on the grift. The entire Hunter Biden drama was about alleged influence peddling. We know for a fact that the Trump family has been doing that very thing. Nobody cares. In fact, they scramble to justify it, because you cannot poo poo your own team.

It sucks. The direction our nation has turned towards truly sucks. The Obama years were a period of pride and growth on an international stage.

This ain’t that.

Some Thoughts:

1. Absolutely Bonkers Headline of thr Day: “A Utah mom who wrote kids’ book on grief after husband died killed him for money, prosecutors say“
2. Also… This: “‘Scrubs’ revival brings back the old goofy gang, but now they’re, gulp, in charge” That is one the Lady Talis saw coming.

Two days and two failures to publish… odd. I am writing this latest post in bed while The Hedge Knight plays in the background. I was watching, but realizing I needed to blog, I ceased and desisted. That is progress. It would be better progress if I’d remembered earlier and decided to do it instead of trying to play 2k26 on a switch. Fun Fact: My eyes are not about screens that small. Not ofr that game at least. It was a heck of a strain on the eyes and they are still blurry as I type now.

I’m here in the middle of a bomb cyclone and happy as heck about it. I’m loving the weather and it feels very good to be in something outside of the sameness of Az. Weather is change. That argues that a place without weather is a place without change…

Some Thoughts:

1. Absolutely Bonkers Headline of thr Day: “Mexican army kills leader of powerful Jalisco New Generation Cartel during operation to capture him” Crazy world we live in.
2. I had a better one, but I didn’t write it down. I saw it with the Lady Talis and we both looked at each other like, “are you serious?” It wasn’t remotely political… it was just, well, bonkers.

Did not hit publish yesterday… Again. Silly stuff, that. Now I am in New York, home of the Me and Land of the Grind. We’ve spent most of our day walking around Central Park. Actually, we’ve spent most of our day in transit and then we walked around Central Park. We’re staying close enough to the midtown Trump Tower to realize how much of a police cordon is covering that area. That man Trump is living his best life. Sadly, he won’t be satisfied by it. People like that really never are satisfied with their success. I’d love to think it is because of how they got there, but I know better. It is because it isn’t enough. They can always say they are number one, but unless there is no doubt and no questioning of that, they’re not going to be satisfied. Even then, the lack of challenge is going to piss them off. It is always a lose-lose. Case and Point: The man is suing one of the largest banks in the world for closing his account. He’s suing for something like 5 Billion and he’ll probably win the case. So, congrat’s Big Orange, you won… but you’ll never win.

Moving on..

Some Thoughts:

1. Absolutely Bonkers Headline of the Day: “She was an orphan adopted from Iran by a US veteran. The Trump administration wants to deport her”
2. Winter Olympics… I really wish I cared more. These competitions are meant to be a huge source of national pride, but I have zero connection to most of the events being offered. At least in the Summer Olympics I recognize the sports and feel some base level understanding of the athleticism involved. Here I’m hearing about 40 year old housewives hopping on and taking home gold… and then there’s curling. Don’t get me wrong, some of these events are crazy cool and athletic. I just lack the care.
3. Still some time on the old clock. So I am going to ramble until I can–

I came to a realization this morning: I’m drowning in some nonsense. The youtube stuff, the failure to do basic exercise, all of it adds up to a man who isn’t doing enough to be healthy physically and or mentally. I have work to do on myself. Part of that means not dodging the responsibilities I have, moving forward and away from the comfort of Shadowrun, making the time to exercise, and taking the time to focus on me for a little bit each day in the sense of writing down a plan for myself and getting organized (again). It is doable, even in a house filled with grown kids who take next to no responsibility for anything beyond their own lives. That is another thing I need to accept and stop harping on so damn much. I cannot do a thing to change it, so if I let it live in my brain, then it is going to fester uselessly.

The composition of my day is supposedly based on getting tasks done so I can spend relaxing time with the Lady Talis. The composition of my day is actually avoiding responsibility, manically sprinting between classes and tasks, and then not feeling chill because I did not get enough done. All of that is internal. I am fighting against myself, but for what? Cheap dopamine, mostly. I’ve fallen into quick highs, even with the food I eat. I’m munching on chips uselessly right now.

It is one thing to see the problems in yourself. It is quite another to have the strength, courage, and discipline to do anything about them. I should know better. I cannot even accept the things I cannot change, as noted above. How then can I gain the courage to change what I can? There’s a lot to be done here. I have a lot to work on as a man, a husband, a father, a teacher, and a writer.

Time to get to work.

Some Thoughts:

1. Absolutely Bonkers Headline of the Day: “Supreme Court deals 6-3 blow to president’s economic agenda” Oh he is pissed. He’s bitching in a rambling speech. So, he’s gonna “license” stuff now. That’s gonna be a weird one coming down the pipe. He’s also gonna start banning stuff coming into the country as a weapon. That is not going to go the way he thinks, because… supply and demand.
2. 6-3 says A LOT.

Presently enjoying a sunshower outside my office door. There are moments when AZ is pretty darn lovely. It is a pleasant reminder that the space is not always bad. It tells and show me that I need to make the best of the space that I can in a way that is sustainable as opposed to vegging out on youtube just to avoid work and avoid hearing what’s going on in the next room as though I was some pre-teen with parents who fight all the time. In fact, I am avoiding the post teens and their loudly played youtube.. with my own youtube. It is a vicious circle.

I gotta say, it is hard to get off the youtube fix once you get on. I am still on right now, taking in some ASMR from zenfinite. I suppose I can call it weaning myself off that fix. TBH, I did take in a crime video before this. It was right there looking at me and I took the damn bait. Trust me, there is a way out of this. It just takes time to get right.

Last night I slept with the phone in another room. I stayed in bed in spite of waking up a few times and wondering about the time. It isn’t much, but it felt huge to me. It felt like progress.

Some Thoughts:

1. Absolutely Bonkers Headline of the Day: “Raccoon goes on drunken rampage in Virginia liquor store and passes out on bathroom floor” So… That happened.

People are really really scared of AI. First of all, it isn’t AI. Not the stuff you’re used to seeing in movies. No, it is not HAL. Or anything remotely like that. For what it is worth, we are traveling in two lanes when it comes to these types of tool. One, AGI or Artificial General Intelligence is going to be able to think for itself. The other is going to be algorithmic and designed to respond to prompts… and threats. What we are dealing with now is better categorized as Narrow AI, though I doubt the average person or user even cares. I cannot decide if they should or not. I can say this: AI in any form is a existential threat to the way we function in our lives and creative means. In fact, the University of Manchester is funding a slew of Doctoral projects that “explore the rapidly evolving relationship between creativity and artificial intelligence (AI), considering what AI does for creativity and what creativity does for AI.” These creative AI studentships are the wave of the future. That future is going to change everything.

We just don’t know how.

Some Thoughts:

1. Bonkers News Headline of the Day: “Trump family business files for trademark rights on any airports using the president’s name” The Great Fleecing Continues… I Imagine he will soon push for airports to be named after him. I used to think we were collectively feeding this man’s delusions, but now it feels like the delusion is the reality.
2. If you prefer a less political bonkers: “4 dead in crashes involving over 30 vehicles in ‘brown out’ conditions on Colorado interstate” This is of the “what the hell is even that” variety. Turns out a brown out is similar to a haboob dust storm, but the dirt gets blown around crazily resulting in zero visibility.