I came to a realization this morning: I’m drowning in some nonsense. The youtube stuff, the failure to do basic exercise, all of it adds up to a man who isn’t doing enough to be healthy physically and or mentally. I have work to do on myself. Part of that means not dodging the responsibilities I have, moving forward and away from the comfort of Shadowrun, making the time to exercise, and taking the time to focus on me for a little bit each day in the sense of writing down a plan for myself and getting organized (again). It is doable, even in a house filled with grown kids who take next to no responsibility for anything beyond their own lives. That is another thing I need to accept and stop harping on so damn much. I cannot do a thing to change it, so if I let it live in my brain, then it is going to fester uselessly.
The composition of my day is supposedly based on getting tasks done so I can spend relaxing time with the Lady Talis. The composition of my day is actually avoiding responsibility, manically sprinting between classes and tasks, and then not feeling chill because I did not get enough done. All of that is internal. I am fighting against myself, but for what? Cheap dopamine, mostly. I’ve fallen into quick highs, even with the food I eat. I’m munching on chips uselessly right now.
It is one thing to see the problems in yourself. It is quite another to have the strength, courage, and discipline to do anything about them. I should know better. I cannot even accept the things I cannot change, as noted above. How then can I gain the courage to change what I can? There’s a lot to be done here. I have a lot to work on as a man, a husband, a father, a teacher, and a writer.
Time to get to work.
Some Thoughts:
- Absolutely Bonkers Headline of the Day: “Supreme Court deals 6-3 blow to president’s economic agenda” Oh he is pissed. He’s bitching in a rambling speech. So, he’s gonna “license” stuff now. That’s gonna be a weird one coming down the pipe. He’s also gonna start banning stuff coming into the country as a weapon. That is not going to go the way he thinks, because… supply and demand.
- 6-3 says A LOT.