Recently I agreed to become the advisor for the Creative Writing Club at my college. It’s a cool thing to do and a way to give back to the college community. On the other hand, it is a stark reminder of how much energy and interest these young writers have as opposed to the weak mess I am facing in my own life. It wasn’t too long ago that I said I’d be taking a year off following the grad school program. The Lady Talis vehemently disagrees with this. I think she recognizes how the King Engine works. Getting it started is hard. Stopping it is easy. While in full steam, it is a force to be reckoned with. So, am I stopping the engine?
I don’t know.
I don’t know what to do really. I know I am leaning towards writing Counting Coup as my thesis work. It is the story I have the most on and the only bit of writing I can realistically turn into a full length novel in the next 6 months. So, I supposed tomorrow I am starting that process. I suppose today I am starting to turn over that engine again and get myself to a place of being a daily writer.
So why stop?
I’m afraid. Just like King. He’s no Class S hero. He’s been propped up by the preponderance of evidence that he is actually that guy, but the person himself is not that guy. I fear I’m at that point in my own cycle–Maybe I just don’t have it anymore. Fear of old age? Laziness? Fear of mental decline? All of these are ingredients to the stew that is ailing me (I’m mixing the hell out of metaphors…) but the fact that I am accepting all of this and accepting this idea of being an imposter is really the problem.
Some Thoughts:
- Drake Football got got… More on that next week…