I’m in my head about so much these days. I want to fix my partners car. I want to stop calling her my partner and formalize it as wife. I want a lot of things that should all come in time. The first step in any of it is getting myself right and presentable as a man and a partner. We had a wonderful conversation this morning about where we felt our kids were at. Obviously, these boys being in the shadow of a marriage led to a discussion about wether they were ready to have a woman. They aren’t worthy. Not a one. They don’t have the mindset of accepting an equal. They act like they are above when they are not. This manifests in so many different ways with these dudes, and as a father I am responsible for a great deal of it. I have work to do with them.
Again, I have work to do with myself first. I need to be centered in self and feeling like I am setting a proper example for the people around me. I haven’t. Some of it is circumstance. Some of it is caving to localized influence. Some of it is laziness and lack of will. All of it adds up to a rushed and deeply flawed and individual who is himself not qualified to lead and needs to get better in all phases of the game of life. Work needs doing. I’m ready to do it… again.
Some Thoughts:
- Received official word that the student who jumped from the balcony did pass away this morning. That is a lot of death and mental angush for one year.
- Then again, maybe it isn’t. People across the world live so much closer to death than we have to. I remain fortunate that we can have the distance from it that we do.
- They lost that game 45-15. It was a tough loss on a number of levels. The worst of it stemming from the total lack of cohesion between the three phases of football presentation. The home field is supposed to be an advantage. It isn’t. Our only wins are on the road and this is a historical truth for the past few years. The team does better when they are away from what is supposed to be a supportive environment but truly is not.