I’m going to go back just a little bit. I am going back to last week and the things that keep sticking in my head and floating around in there. I want to start with the suicide. I suppose there are two ways to look at it. On the one hand, why does it matter? I didn’t know her and my kids are one stepped removed from her. Still it happened in real time at their school publicly. She chose to end her life as a display, leaping from a balcony for all to watch and be touched by. There were hundreds of kids that watched it happen, and that is why it sticks in my mind. I worry about them and what they may be thinking and going through and hoping on the one hand that it does impact them and make them feel the importance of life, and on the other hand that they don’t brush this off and treat it like another moment to be absorbed and quickly swiped up like a tik tok or instagram or whatever new mode of communication they have decided upon in the social realms of the young.
Health is swirling in my head–specifically my health and the fact that I’m going through something right now that I don’t really understand. I am low energy right now. I am drained and hungry in the mornings, I get a few bursts throughout the day, and then I’m done by nightfall. This feels wrong. This feels like there is a problem within me that I have yet to fully recognize/register. I’m off and I know it, so I need to stop chugging along and figure out what is wrong with me before it is too late.
Finally, the words need to stop being a finally. I work hard all day to get to the words as my ‘reward work’, but they are supposed to be the first job and as such be at the top of my workday and not the bottom where they get sloughed off. They become the high fruit that is never picked at this rate, and at this rate I am falling further and further behind.
These are the things swirling through my mind. Perhaps in a few months time I’ll look back on this blog and have figured it all out.