I’m sitting in the office, which has an outside door–double doors actually–one of which is open to the cold morning air. My hoodie is on and up over my head as I type and reflect on this new day. My hands, cold and arthritic, feel like dry reeds smacking at the keys. I’m not that old, but I’m past the midway point of life and constantly surrounded by people 30 years younger than me, so I feel old. I feel it so much that when I am with other writers my age I am like, what are these people? where do they come from? what is this world I find myself in??? I believe that contrast is why I never feel quite settled outside the singular shell of my relationship. I’ve been thinking about that unsettledness for sometime now. I consider it when I hear talk of friendskivings and white elephant parties. I consider it when people discuss taking cruises and traveling to far destinations with a click of friends. I don’t live in that world. I live in an isolated space of my own making in which I do those things (travel, explore, see new things, go out) but do it in such an insular fashion that my inputs–my understanding of the world from others–comes almost mainly from the students I teach, the shows I watch, and the conversations I overhear in public.
In short, I need to get out more.
Not a lot more, mind you. I’m extremely happy in my shell. However, in terms of experiencing new ideas, I fall terribly short. I fear this is part of the problems I am experiencing in so far as creativity. Garbage in, Garbage out is a functional flaw, but Garbage is better than nothing at all. I have long said that I need better inputs, yet as with the exercise and diet, I’ve done practically nothing to fix it. I have done as I have done with most of my life, which is lay back and let it happen. In order to improve in life you (read: I) need to be active in creating the change you seek. I’ve not done this much, and nearing 50 yrs of life, I’m terribly out of practice. Fortunately life has provided me a slew of opportunities for betterment. I am, if nothing else, one lucky SOB. I just need to honor that luck with action.
Some Thoughts:
- I am still a terrible typist. I could go dark and start training to be better. I suppose the fumbling around I do is just that, but it does suck to make som many errors when I don’t directly stare at the keys (and sometimes even when I do).
- Close to ten here, but I did lose track of time. I was in a bit of a zone, just writing away. That is a good sign. I crave those anymore…