Well, I finally made that weight I was expecting to hit in January of 2024. According to that Fail Blog, I was scheduled for 232 with a steady decline to follow. I’ve not seen anything resembling steady or decline. In truth I’ve fluctuated like an EKG. Today it’s 232, but next week it could be 238 again. I don’t know how to lose weight–not consistently. I am on the hard walking trail now, logging 15 miles over the last two days. I close my apple rings as many days as I can. The days I don’t generally reflects being in the 100+ degree heat of the valley, which reflects a condition where I would rather not be outside.
I am not moving towards healthy with any real speed. I can say that I am moving towards healthy. My stamina is greater than it was at the time of that Fail Blog. I can and I want to walk further each day. I try to get in the daily walk even with the weather suggests it won’t be pleasant. Once, I even walked the dog and jogged with him for a bit. All of these changes show that there is a want involved here. I want to live. I want to be able to do things physically. I want to look better for the Lady Talis and for myself. Where I fall short is properly distinguishing between wants and needs.
I’m quite terrible at organizing needs properly or realistically… or even ahead of wants. For example, I need to get back to writing, classwork, and grading (in some version of that order), but I want to step back for 30 minutes to an hour and play a game. I know that once I do this, I’m down to, say 45 minutes of remaining work time for my day. So I need to convince myself to stay on the keyboard and not wander off into a Minecraft realm to play. This is far more difficult than it ought to be, especially because I feel burned out on the writing for today and don’t want to do the other two things that need doing.
Working towards being healthy is a lot like the above. I don’t want to put the work in. I qualify it as a need, but I don’t address the need properly. It is a change I am going to have to make sooner, because it won’t be an option later.