This was not a work day.
In truth, this is the first touch to keyboard all day. I did not write, I did not read. I listened to the Gunslinger quite a bit online and I listened to music on the beach, which was magic. I didn’t have that feel to write and that left me wondering where I am at. Between projects and afraid to really dive in, it seems. I am not in the headspace of doing that as I am three days away from my wedding and totally not in the routine of being able to go do the writing the way I want to. I will get back there–after the wedding.
In the meanwhile, I am loving these last days in Victoria. I am in a strange moment in life where I think I am coming to terms with the idea of dying. I am not dying soon (I don’t think) but I am savoring these moments and this life with the idea of an end state and not really recognizing that end state beyond that state. In other words, I don’t find any truth in the idea of heaven and hell. I don’t see those places as real in the sense of how they are drawn up in popular fiction.
I don’t know that an after exists where I know who I was. I suppose I am realizing that who I am is a collection of moments and memories and I will do myself a disservice by focusing on the end state as opposed to enjoying the moments of life and energy that I have now. This moment that is approaching is a milestone. I need to spend more time locked in on those. This is the way.
I am learning the way more and more each day. So, I need to lock in on that and focus on developing truly good fiction. I need it. I need to put it out there.