I have my bluelight blocking glasses on and I am writing my ten before the two hour writing session starts. I wanted to get it in on the front end, because I want to make sure I am warmed up. Writing hours have been quite atrocious as of late (likely mirroring the sad state of the blog). I’m facing this extended lull driven by finishing (what I hope to be) the final edit of the Novel, tossing in 4K on an upcoming Shadowrun book and trying to edit the first chapter of the Justice Engine without having a realistically thought out structure for anything beyond that first chapter. This is the between time where I always look up at my whiteboard and see pages upon pages of fantasy work stuck to the wall and wonder, when? Meanwhile there is that undisclosed post apocalyptic RPG project humming lowly in the back of my mind.
You would think by all of the things I’ve listed that I have too much going on. In fact the opposite is true. I don’t have enough of one thing going on to hold my attention. None of these projects are leaping up to grab me by the throat. There’s even another Shadowrun story out there that I was hoping to write and fold into the grad class starting next week, but haven’t truly gotten the opportunity to explore. In short, I am lost and in need of a shore upon which the waves of fictional ideas, plots, and constructs may lap against. I need to get my mind in the proper shape and my focus back to the wonderful place it was not 70 days prior.
It is hard to fathom that I’ve been back in the desert for two months. It feels like I’ve been here an entire lifetime–this with leaving no less than three separate times in order to visit greener lands (with a 4th arriving this week and more to follow in quick succession). Maybe leaving twice a month is part of why settling in feels so far away. Maybe being here is why I feel so far removed from anything stable.
Remember being a kid locked in timeout or the further back idea of ‘on punishment?’ Being in the desert feels a little like that. I feel stilted, which stems from a lack of sleep and a poor flow of ideas. Knowing this is a step towards a solution. I hope…