When things erupt in my life they rarely do so quietly. Instead it is as if everything in my history was waiting for this moment to explode. This weekend it finally did. What started as a relatively banal parenting situation quickly spiraled into what I would describe as a game changer. Short version: My kid lied to me about where he was. I told him to come home. He told me no and decided to go to his mom’s house instead. We haven’t spoken since.
There is a lot to break down there, but the game changer is his refusal to listen and ability to retreat to another parent who does not discipline or agree that what he did was even wrong. It is very tough to parent a kid who lives between parents. It is especially tough when one of those parents isn’t willing to work with the other and uses anything they can to further endear herself with the child. The weaponization of children is a terrible thing, but one I’ve long been used to. My children have been riding those waves for over a decade. This is not the first time it has been a situation where one ran to the other parent because they knew there were no consequences on that side. However, that kid was over 18 at the time. This one isn’t.
So, what comes next? I don’t know. I want to believe the relationship with the kid is repairable. I don’t know that it is. He’s at that age where lying and manipulation come easy. Worse still, he’s surrounding himself with people who thrive on such things and are not willing to hold him accountable for anything. Instead any perception of him being in the wrong or any perceived failure is blamed on external sources. Even in the moment this weekend his refusing to come home was labeled as ‘my fault’. This is a recipe for failure. What does he think is going to happen when he gets to college? Does he expect these same ploys to work? My best guess is that he washes out as a freshman and returns to his mom where he will continue to be coddled well into his adulthood, because that gives her purpose and value. Some people are willing to sacrifice their kids future to feel good about themselves. I’m not the one.
So, what does that mean I do? I don’t know. I’m not sure how to fight this battle and teach him to stand up and stand alone. I am running out of time to figure that out.
Some Thoughts:
- Absolutely Bonkers Headline of the Day: “Hungarian election winner Magyar vows to fight graft, change constitution” for context, Orban provided the framework for the gerrymandering and other steps towards legally rigging elections. He stacked the deck so heavily in his favor that in spite of overwhelming numbers of people hating him and his politics, he stayed in power for 16 years. Just recently JD Vance campaigned for the man, on our tax dollars. He still lost. This is going to ripple across the world. Hopefully the wave hits us in the next presidential election, because if it doesn’t we’re done for as a positive global influence.