I’m feeling a bit maudlin today. Yesterday was another reminder that being a dad is always going to be a case of being ignored, disrespected, and probably largely disliked and blamed for all the wrongs in a kid’s life. Unless I make their life as easy as possible, I am the bad guy. This is mostly due to my ex being the one who makes their lives as easy as possible. Yesterday I watched my ex carrying a bag of supplies she bought for our 21 year old son to take to his first ever job while he walked beside her eating ice cream. That’s some nine year old type stuff. I will not do it and thus will always lose.
Acceptance is the hard part.
So, here I am feeling bad about myself and, to a lesser extent, about my choices. Acceptance is not happening to easily. My body is rejecting it, gathering the sadness and anger within as stress. My mind is doing the same and none of it is really working for me. What I really need to do is get some space for a while and think about what it means to be me as an individual and a husband.
Some Thoughts:
- Absolutely Bonkers Headline of the Day: “Sen. Cassidy loses Louisiana primary after targeted as ‘disloyal’ by Trump over impeachment vote” Loyalty checks… I thought those were just for video games and bad nazi movies…
- Also this: “Adults relive the musical camaraderie of their youth at band camps reprised for grown-ups” Yeah… just no.