I gave it some thought and I realized something that I’ve probably known all along. The hole isn’t new. Its been slowly coalescing–spreading its emptiness like a bald spot. I didn’t notice it as much because I’m generally in the right state of mind to power through. See, I’m a positive person. I’m a guy who sees the silver lining in everything. I look for happiness and find that my happy place is usually everywhere. I suppose I am effervescent, if that term could be properly applied to a person.
I’m not always that guy when I let things get to me.
The other side of my persona is a man who surrounds himself with people because they are so interesting and engaging. Unfortunately people can rub off on you and their moods, if powerful enough, can have a devastating effect on me. That has been the case for some time now. Its a numbers game I suppose. If the positive energy is equal to or greater than the negative, I have a good mindset. If the negative is an order of magnitude greater than the positive, I start to wear down and manifest escapist behaviors. Case and point: I play a lot of Minecraft.
There are self help books galore that teach people how to take control of their moods. I don’t need those. I need to learn to psychologically insulate myself against negative people. Of course, that means not wanting to ‘fix’ them and not caring enough to feel horrible and empathetic about their misery. A great deal of it comes down to accepting that you are not the source of their misery and that they don’t want to change.
Some people thrive in their own misery the way a pig will gleefully swirl around in cool mud. That’s the way they are and trying to make it different will kill you before it changes them.