With the second week of school drawing to a close I find myself looking forward as opposed to stumbling towards a point where I have finally caught up. I haven’t caught up, not with everything I need to do, but life is quickly catching up to me. I am hunkered down and medically forced into a cycle that resembles a normal person’s sleeping habits, less my heart shrivel and pop like some cosmic reversal of the big bang.
Two weeks in and I really love my job. I still have a great amount of bitterness towards where I was, especially now that they’re enjoying a moment in the spotlight. I feel like the coach that left the program only to see that program grab the national championship two years later. This is a recurring pattern in my life. Wash out of the ISU football program and two years later they’re in the national spotlight. Leave the Flagstaff Hitmen in order to spend more time with my family, and two years later they win a league championship. This pattern repeats itself, Fibonacci-like, throughout my life leading to the conclusion that my purpose is to infuse a place with what it needs to win and then clear out before I screw it up.
I’m Bain Capital.
I’m also exhausted from the hard work and fat new body. It is possible I was much happier with my state of being when I was posting about being a work in progress as opposed to having reached the end of the working period and discovered that I lost all the gains I made plus more–physically. Mentally I am still right there on the cusp of a major evolutionary step. I don’t know what I’m waiting for. The ideas are floating around up there looking for safe harbor.
I just gotta give myself that push.