I think I know why I moved to a small town in Arizona. I think I’ve known for a long time. The key is authenticity. The key is that core relationship between the small town and the very compact and overpopulated city that I lived in for the first 18 years of existence. A surprising number of New Yorkers live in this corner of AZ. When we see each other we are far more friendly than we would’ve been had we run into each other on the streets of NYC. There is no unified bond between New Yorkers when we are all in New York. We become a tribe of the few only when we leave and in that leaving begin to recognize the similarities between on another and that gossamer bond of understanding that surrounds us.
I didn’t do name brand stuff in New York. I suppose I did name brand in a sense. I did name brand before it became name brand. The small shops and food joints that would later grow to be nationally recognized commodities were once known as ‘the place down the block we get food’ or ‘that spot around the way where we get our shirts.’ There existed a certain familiarity there which blossomed into local and often global understanding. I got to hang out in the sound booth and watch hip hop acts learn their rhythms. I stood by awkwardly as Treach and Queen Latifah fought over relationship issues I was too young to understand. I sat for lunch with Guliani and presented an award to Dinkins. These acts were not seen as huge or braggadocio, they were every day things a lot of kids did. I remember hanging out on the east side a lot of nights and seeing Joan Rivers walk her annoying little dog. There were always folks around but nobody mobbed her. She was just an old lady who lived around the way. The experiences were authentic. They were not born of media frenzy or big box store bought simulacrums of real stuff.
In my town we have this place called Helen’s. She makes a legendary tri-tip sandwhich, but my boys prefer the cheesy steak-fries (which happen to have shreds of real steak mixed in with the cheese). A few weeks ago I was in the shop talking with Helen’s sister and thinking, this is exactly the kind of folksy stuff that ends up on a cooking show and replicated a hundred times over. This is what Dave’s BBQ was before Dave sold out.
I don’t live in NYC anymore. I don’t live in an urban area. However, the beauty of NYC isn’t that it is urban. The beauty is the authenticity and the connections and the experiences. This is why real New Yorker’s avoid Times Square like its a Texas Hospital. The authenticity of that space is gone. The authenticity of my town is still there. I have real connections and relationships and feel engrained in the history and with the people and places as they rise from the dirt and being a part of that is a bit like being a part of Harlem as it rose–before it became the tourist spot it is today.
I measure my life in authentic moments and enjoy where I’m at when I can have those moments.