If anything I’ve noticed a reduction in the number of words I can put down in 10 minutes.
That’s how the world works though. You have your high moments and your low ones. You hit a groove then a bump and the groove is suddenly gone and you spend a few months trying to get that back only to discover that it existed in that place and time and is now a part of your history. You gotta keep churning and uncovering the new. You have to evolve, change, aspire, be. Maybe not be. When I think about that word it is about existing and simply becoming a listener. Every now and again I start to believe that this is what I want to be–one who listens to the universe and, instead of acting on the voice of the universe and the voice of my own motivational energies, leans into the energy of time and space and tries to exist in that moment for as long as possible. Only, it isn’t possible to live in a moment. That is why it is called a moment. You live on a breeze, pushed along a current of wind towards an eventual destination; towards a new part of yourself that grows and changes and flowers and becomes something new itself.
It is simple to say you’ve become who you can be, but less so to understand what that means or why that is so incredibly defeating. I see it played out in the most minute ways sometimes. Tonight on the soccer pitch my 8-9 team went up against a team from the next age group. This 8-9 team is undefeated, destroying practically every team they face leading up to this weekends final match. Still, the team has deteriorated in each consecutive game, leaving us vulnerable for a big and painful end of season loss. The brilliance of our head coach (for I am merely an assistant) led to a match up against the older kids–kids who’ve won a majority of their matches this season and several of whom are quality club players. So, our boys faced off against their boys with all the fire and punch an undefeated, ego-strong 8-9 team can bring and their charge broke against the walls of the 10-12 goal where they discovered there are indeed players stronger and faster and better trained than them who, believe it or not, want it more.
We lost 3-1, but it was an incredible moment of realization where we stopped dying and started coming together and playing team ball again and deciding that individual glory matters little in the face of opportunity and purpose.
If I am to reflect on one last thing this night it is those two words. I realize the best way to live is to constantly throw myself in the path of opportunity and purpose. Not only to land in its path but to take advantage of it in any and all possible ways to the best of my ability. Go hard. Always. There is nothing after this life that is at all like this life, so take advantage of this singular opportunity before it ends.