For a number of reasons–most of which I’m not prepared to get into right now–this has been an extremely challenging semester. The challenges don’t stop at the classroom door. They crawl inside and back outside and into my home and through my brain and extend through my body like a white hot stress projectile. That being said, I’m a stronger person for making it this far and not falling completely over (or quitting everything). Now we are in the last gasping weeks of the semester, where students are angling for grades and teachers angling for the freedom of a short winter recess. I’m looking forward to getting back with the boys and hanging out and running and trying, together, to work back into some sort of decent shape. I’m not going to do anything overzealous like set a 40 lb goal. I’m going to take advice from a close friend and try to move towards a more holistic approach to exercise.
I carry my stress in my belly. My belly fat to be specific. I eat my pain, and according to the scale I’ve eaten quite a bit of it over the last year. Reversing that trend means learning to make better eating choices, finding the will and the time to exercise, and putting myself on a schedule–even if it is one that allows for a large chunk of unscheduled time. I was using the Jawbone UP for that purpose until I lost mine on a road trip. I’m not sure if I want to spend the $150 on a new one. Towards the end there it was starting to look like wear and tear had gotten the better of it. For the money I spend I can find a new way to wake up in the morning and to know when I’ve been sitting still too long.
I have been sitting still too long–especially in non physical ways. I’m looking for ways to be less stagnant and to grow as a person. I’m terrified of becoming someone who is closed off and afraid to learn from new experiences and new people. Basically, I’m afraid of becoming an old codger at 40.
The blog is a good example of stagnancy. It has not been very good for a while. That deep well of energy and creativity I once drew ideas from has shifted out of view and I’m looking for it or something like it to allow me to connect to the ethereal yet again. Be patient if you can. I’m trying.