There’s a certain idealism that comes preloaded with teenagers. That is why I keep a couple around like plaintive reminders of what life would be like if I wasn’t jaded by what life is actually like. It’s an experiment in indecency, really. I can still remember the feeling of freedom of an open door to an open world filled with possibilities and pleasures. I remember getting on a bus at the end of my senior year of high school and wondering, ‘what is going to happen next?’
I had plans. We all have plans of some sort—I heard about a kid who planned to stay on the couch for three to five years locked into waist-high stack of video games like a prisoner to the virtual. His mom nixed that plan when she ‘accidentally’ spilled a flower vase full of water on the PS3. He couldn’t afford to replace the machine, so she made him get a job to pay for a new one. That started a new plan for him.
My plan ended up getting nixed by a none-too-subtle failure of willpower. It was a recurring problem for years there. I’m not a teen anymore and it still creeps up on me every now and again. I’ve made plans, failed plans, and changed plans and all the while I’ve tried to cling to the tiniest sliver of that idealism that made me feel like I would conquer the world.
Nowadays I just want to conquer a story.
Some Thoughts:
- There may be something wrong with me. I mean doctor time wrong. I’m getting fatigued and ready for sleepyland at 9pm… That wipes out all the time possible to be productive. It may be that I have to go back to night coffee.