Writing I suppose. Though, I am fatefully behind the curve on something that should’ve been done long ago. It happens, but it shouldn’t and it has happened more over the last two years than over the last 12. Sometimes I wonder if it is the trials and tribulations of life, the conditions I create for myself, some deeper failing of my mind and spirit, or a combination of these myriad factors.
It has to be something that every writer goes through–that period when they wonder if they’re body is equipped to put out all the wonderful stuff the mind wants to do. Likewise is the mind prepared to stretch and expand to the point where it can release work on the scale necessary to be a (financially and publication wise) successful writer. I know that I’m slightly past the point where I realize I’m not that 19 year old kid who pulled all nighters four nights in a row to get a piece done ahead of schedule. No, its about scheduling properly, but more importantly it is about headspace and taking care of my mind, body, and spirit and making sure that there isn’t too much weighing down one part of that or the other and that all can exist in balance and help me to excel.
Its about sitting BIC and just putting the words on paper without fear of how they sound or negative feedback of a first draft or the fear that I can’t do it right or even do it at all anymore. It is about confidence and about heart.
I had a brief discussion with my 10-12 team about heart today. We dropped another game–again due to an offense that is failing repeatedly. The defense did their part. They gave up some points but nothing that couldn’t be overcome by this stripped down offensive gameplan. However, the players weren’t behind it. I saw their heads drooping and their spirits tumbling when the plays we did run were for short yardage. They didn’t get that we can win–win well–with a grinder game and without the splashy big plays that make them feel glorious. I don’t even want to try those, because they usually end in an interception and TD for the other team. No, we ended up beating ourselves and falling into silly turnovers and dropped handoffs and snaps whizzing over the QB’s head and one QB asking to not have to play QB anymore. That’s where I’m at with heart. They just don’t have that mental toughness yet.
I wonder if there’s a drill for that.