I’ve come around to doing these either when I just wake up or in the moments before I begin my writing in earnest. It is an opportunity to get myself in that headspace to create or to pull on those raw emotions that make the writing worthwhile. I’ve been nothing but emotion lately, and I’ve been quick to understand who and where the people are who will stand by me and those whose acquaintance is far more casual. This too is a hard lesson, as I am someone who gives of my heart freely.
My one question to myself is: how will my experiences over the past year change the way I share myself with others? It is too soon to answer that particular question. One I have better knowledge of now is, what are my limitations? Lately I’ve been pushing up against the wall and hard pressed to do what is needed in the time frame and quality I am capable of. I’m trying and working and struggling to find the proper headspace. Sometimes I come to it and sometimes I don’t.
Here’s one thing I’ve learned through all this: I deserve to be happy. I’m not the guy who sits around like a wart on the world’s ass. I’m the guy who tries to help the people around him be better. I’m the guy who loves his kids and his friends and will do anything to help a friend. So, forgive me for being a bit angry and a bit tired of sustaining this disappointment. I’m ready to make something better.