I heard the pop a moment before I felt it. A sound like cracking your neck or popping a knuckle. But this time the sound came from my back where my spine and hips met. I froze them hunched over trying to hoist a pile of orange traffic cones. That’s when the pain hit and I dropped the cones to the ground.
It is hard to predict how people will react to pain. I’ve faced pain all my life and am generally numb to it. This was different. When my back went the pain was fire and the emotional surprise of the moment was far worse. At once I was immobilized, unable to be the kind of parent I love being, unable to be a good partner, a good coach. I was unable to do the most basic thing in my life: walk.
For twenty hours I lay in bed succeeding in no more movement than two crawls to the bathroom. I couldn’t even stand to pee. I’m a proud man and seeing myself so completely broken humbled me and served to remind me that, yeah I’m old and human and I don’t take care of my body at all. Instead I burn the candle at both ends, promising to tend to the health needs once the other problems are dealt with. Only the other problems never end. There is always something to distract from taking care of yourself–if you let it.
There are things I can do better and ways I can be more diligent and effective with my time, but this policy of compartmentalization has led to poor health and even worse management of the soul. I guess the body finally said enough is enough.
I’m listening now. I guess when you’re laid up in bed all you can do is listen.