There was a time when I would play at least one game of Madden or a shooter like Mass Effect every day. It was on my to do list–when I even had a to do list–as a priority. I enjoyed it. It was nothing like real football, and maybe that was the larger part of the joy. I could disappear down the rabbit hole of this digital world and just be lost for as long as I chose. Not only was I lost, but I was lost and super successful in my alternate world. As I took on more responsibilities as a professional I started to lose those precious Madden hours. I lost even more to fatherhood and more still as my writing career picked up steam. I learned that prioritizing meant giving up things I enjoy in order to take care of things that needed to get done. It was a lesson I took to heart. After a while taking care of myself became less and less of a priority, until one day I wound up in a bed for twenty hours, because my body wouldn’t let me walk.
Here’s what I learned in that time: I’m overweight because I haven’t bothered to do anything physical in a long time–so long that my back snapped out of place from light exertion. I’m stressed because I listen to haters, worry about what people think, do way too much all the time, and harbor guilt over people and situations that really don’t deserve it. I’m timid because I fail to fall into the people I love and be honest and open and forthcoming 24/7. I’m selfish because I spend to much time angry about not having any time of my own anymore. I’m unsettled because I am constantly bombarded by messages and people telling me to grow the hell up.
A famous quote quips that growing up means putting away ‘childish things’. This is inherently stupid. See, the things that make you young and vibrant are those childish things. The stuff that keeps us alive and motivated are the joys in our lives. They may change, but it is ultimately you that ought to be changing them and doing so according to how your tastes evolve. I am not afraid to say I still love video games. I am not afraid to say I still love running around in the park, riding a bike, or playing a pickup game of anything involving a ball with my kids. I am saddened to see that I can hardly do any of that anymore because I’ve put so much stress on my body and soul just trying to live and be successful and fight my way to some form of temporary happiness. I’m convinced the universe talks to each one of us, and the hard-headed ones like me have a hard time listening. Well, I’m listening now. Its high time I got back to loving life and stopped feeling so sorry and stressed out about the responsibilities that come with it.