I ran into a friend at the grocery store this morning. I was buying the usual assortment of sunday junk: donuts, creamer, chips, etc. I stopped and asked he’d been doing and he let me know about being diagnosed with Diabetes. Let me give a little context here. I’ve been feeling awful over the last year. I’m struggling to think and speak as clearly as I have in the past and most recently have been dealing with strange shooting pains throughout my body. I webMD’d the heck out of it, trying to avoid going to a doctor and learning that I have like three days to live. Nothing really added up, but a few symptoms aligned with Cancer, some with vein issues, some with diabetes. I don’t eat very healthy and the last time I used my gym card for actual gym use was at the tail end of 2014. I’ve always been healthy-ish, so when he rattled off a list of symptoms that coincided with mine, I got very nervous.
Right before I wrote this blog I found a bruise on my leg that hadn’t been there a day or so ago. It could be something from the field trip I didn’t notice or the normal wear and tear of life, but I’m nervous now and I think something is wrong with me. I’m going to call a doctor tomorrow and try to get set up with an appointment. I haven’t had a check up in at least four years so I am long overdue for that. My fear is that I do have diabetes and I waited too long to do anything about it. On the bright side it would explain my inability to engage on the intellectual level I’ve grown accustomed to and the lack of energy in every aspect of my life.
Still, I don’t want it to be diabetes. I don’t want it to be anything. I want my health problems to be the result of abject laziness and the cure for that to be finally getting off my butt. Only, I know the world doesn’t work that way and real change always requires an inability to go back to what was comfortable. I have been comfortable for far too long.