There are some people in life who make you want to sing out loud. There are some people in life who make you wish you could stab yourself in the brain repeatedly. I am blessed to have encountered both extremes in my life as it creates an understanding of what I need in order to be happy, healthy, and wise.
Or what I don’t need.
I’ll avoid specifics to protect the innocent and the guilty, but it goes like this: I’m stressed. I don’t have a lot of good people in my life and I continue to face what Flight Officer Ferro referred to as “Chop” in developing those relationships in a healthy way. I’m plum not good at it. From what I’ve been told (and is mostly true) I trend towards unhealthy relationships–specifically with the fairer gender. Of course, I’ve been doing it for most of my adult life so its invisible to me and, if i’m being honest, a part of my personality to do so. This stems from having a specific set of emotional needs and failing to have them met in any way shape or form for the majority of my adult life.
These are common needs–nothing that would earn me a trip to the dungeon or psychiatrist. Basic stuff like respect, dedication, even the idea of being first and foremost in someone’s mind. All of these things I want and have wanted from people since birth. Rarely have the ones who are supposed to offer such things provided them. Instead I quilted these emotional responses together from the relationships in my life forming a protective cover of relationships that weren’t always healthy, effective, or helpful outside of filling a niche need.
I don’t need that anymore, though I still wish I could have gotten the necessary emotional capital from where it should’ve come. What I need now is… well, I haven’t figured that out yet.