2930.

To say TV is the devil is to give television far more power than it deserves. TV is in fact a tool of distraction as are video games and the plethora of other things that exist purely to occupy our time and offer us an idea of what a more exciting/interesting life could look like. The thing is, why aren’t we leading exciting lives ourselves? I continue to ask myself that as I sit on the couch with a mouth full of chips and a quickly aging body.

Part of if comes down to fear; part of it comfort. I know that I worked hard to get to a point where I had all the creature comforts of a good life. I have the games and the toys and the chance to do the fun activities, but doing and using all of that stuff prevents me from finding new highs. Achievement is, in that sense, a sort of failure.

Perhaps the failure does dwell in the inability to strike a balance between having and wanting. The two need to be a yin yang encircling daily life. Instead I have long allowed myself to remain out of balance. I’ve chronicled this in the past. I’ve chronicled chronicling this in the past and likely will do so again. The difference is I am really starting to wake up to the issues at play in my life that contribute to what I am going to call ‘prolonged failure’.

Fortunately this is neither a permanent nor fatal position by nature. However, it can be if left untreated. It is part addiction, part disease and it spreads through you infecting every essence of your being until suddenly you see yourself, as if from afar, as someone who is not ever going to go anywhere or do anything better. In that moment you know it is too late. You realize there were warning signs–even triggers–everywhere that you refused to acknowledge.

Good thing we aren’t quite there yet.

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