2.155

IĀ misplaced the power cord for my mac. Those things are rather specific and the power remaining is rather short, therefore I don’t expect to be able to use this computer much longer. Maybe I’ll get these ten minutes.

It should be a good 10.

I have a lot of thoughts that are all scrambled together like so many busted eggs. I’m writing this at night again, but not so late night that my brain is closer to the fried egg from Nancy Regan era PSA’s. I’m doing just fine. That is in fact the best I can offer in terms of how I am doing. Fine. My partner has been using the word extensively and I’ve come to recognize it as, “everything is working, but beneath the surface life is not as great as it could or should be, but I am dealing with it and I am going to continue dealing with it indefinitely.” So, yeah.

Fine.

Except indefinitely feels like a death sentence as much as the past month has felt the way I imagine the little dot on a hearbeat monitor feels as it leaves the residue of a squiggly line hopping up and down. Happy. sad. Happy. Each jolt punctuated by the actions of others around me in sequence with my own metronomic mood swings.

I woke up sad, but found my way to happy. All it took was thinking about the love of my life.