My kids hate each other. This isn’t some bit of speculative fiction this is simply the summative results of a careful study. They just don’t get along. I question whether or not they see the value in one another or instead just see each other as an obstacle for parental attention and material goods. As I say, they don’t like each other. I for one find that completely unacceptable.
This all started pre-divorce. It started back when we had our third child and that child broke what I suspect was the careful balance between the two children. Suddenly there was a third child and this opportunity for one on one attention at all times vanished. Now this is the part I could be purely speculative. I don’t know for certain that not having one on one attention is what caused my kids to start to evolve into the current madness. I do know that the madness exists and that bugs me beyond all belief. I really don’t even know what to do about it. I’ve tried figuring out how it started in order to walk the back and maybe figure out a way to stop it, as though I am some virologist who is looking for patient zero in hopes of finding vaccine. I don’t know if there is a vaccine for this. I don’t know that I have any real say and how they continue to cheat and treat each other as they move forward in their lives. I wish I had some say I wish I could say something. It appears that all I do is stalled them for just another moment before they go back to isolating One brother in particular and making left difficult for everyone around. I suppose this is what parenting looks like when you tear away the veneer and see the termites chipping away at your soul underneath. I also suppose that I exaggerate quite a bit. Maybe it isn’t as bad as I’m suggesting here maybe they are just kids being kids and this is in heat but instead just the rituals of childhood. I wouldn’t know. I never had a brother or sister or anyone that I can’t really claim was close to me in that special way that way that I dreamed of and so now as I see them I wonder if this is how it is supposed to be or this is how it’s been made to be. I wonder and I feel a sense of responsibility and that makes me sad.