So here’s the deal. I cannot really be expected to be productive after a day with kids. I love my kids and what they mean to my life. Children are immortality. They are also loud, busy, and draining. After a day care taking three of them I am ready to go to bed. Coffee keeps me conscious, but my creativity is all but shot. I’ve tried for 8 years to do ‘my thing’ after the kids are put to bed, but it comes when it comes and it doesn’t come then.
So, what now? The answer has to be moving to mornings and afternoons. I am highly productive before class. Less so after class, but with a short break after class I find that I can be moderately productive–moreso than I am after a night of dealing with kids. Parenting is serious business, and unless handled with the proper sense of mind it may devolve into anger and violence. Been there myself (on both ends).
I’ve used this blog for so long as a way to work out some of the stuff going on internally. I make it public in case someone else is wandering through the same psychological miasma as me. Maybe it is arrogant to believe that others will care, but it really is not about the others so much as it is about me doing what I love, which is getting my thoughts out there. Heck, at least I can still develop these blogs night after night, day after day, still reaching into my mind to find that piece of me that keeps me going.