Back on day 91 I hit the quarter break on this year of change, but I really haven’t fallen into that break and that self reflection/realization until recently. This 3rd iteration of the rule was designed to be a journey into personal understanding about how and why I write as well as how I intend to move forward in my personal and professional life. There have been glimpses of revelation and movement largely lost under the deluge of responsibility (and neglected responsibility) that is my life. I meant to get it all fixed in a year, which is clearly ambitious and more difficult than I thought it could be. Now I’m at the point of being resigned to certain things, and recognizing the likely irreparable damage I’ve done to parts of my life.
To begin, I have made mistakes and failures in many areas that have eroded the trust and faith that others have in me. That’s a real problem in more than one part of my life. Winning back that trust is not a realistic option. After so long you can’t change someone’s faith in you, instead I have to adjust to the new reality and strike a balance between making all the changes possible (both professional and personal) and hoping those adjustments lead to something better.
I don’t know what the future holds for me beyond more of a grind. I have a long way to go before I reach anything that feels like where I thought I was headed a few years ago. in the next 200 plus days maybe I can figure out a plan and a direction towards where I ought to be heading.