Happy Poppa Day to all the fathers out there. Hopefully the day has and is going well for all of you. We get overlooked and under-looked at the same time as fathers. On the one hand being a dad is about being there for your kids and playing with them and making them feel loved and wanted and instructed and even disciplined. On the other hand being a father is perceived as rare in more than just the black culture. In the era of single black moms there was an associated era of stay at home non-black moms and absentee fathers. In truth, there was a generation where the dad was only a temporary fixture at best and the moms enforced the growth and household for much of America.
In theory.
Also in media. It is always about the mom–even the mom and the maid (see Brady Bunch). It can occasionally be about the Dad in the media spectrum but more often than not the dad is portrayed as the worker of the family (even when both work the dad primarily works and the mom is responsible for work AND home). Remember, this is the generation that is was so out of touch with proper balance in gender roles that there was a wildly successful movie called Mr. Mom that spoke of a dad who stayed at home. This was later followed by Daddy Daycare and other films suggestion the alien nature of a dad left to care for his kids.
I was born into that world, but as a dad it is often just me and these 3 dudes. In the other half of the week it is me, my partner and our other three kids and the shift and the balance is far more evident on that side. Honestly, here can feel a bit overwhelming and 90% thankless.
Still, I love my kids and I love the Dad role I was born to have. I am not that great at it and in the last few years I’ve been more and more responsible and less and less good at the job. Part of that is the kids growing up and being less cuddly and far far less helpful or willing to listen. Part of it is changes in my own life and priorities.
Some Thoughts:
- I’m not exactly bored. I think a better term is distressed. It is hard to even put into words, but I am not right or happy or settled on many levels.