Sitting in my office on a Sunday afternoon writing this blog next to a bowl of Ramen. It is the last day I will see my boys before they go back to school this Thursday. What should be a relaxed and happy–even somewhat anticipatory–Sunday afternoon feels incredibly rushed and harried, because of, well, me. I have other stuff on my mind. I have other responsibilities to tend to, and that is taking away from this moment. It shows me that I need to go back to work on being present. If I am not 100% present and instead focusing on what needs to be done next, I am losing the moments I have in life. Part of that means separating out more time to plan and prepare for the everyday stuff I need to attend to in my life. I don’t always do that effectively. When left to my own devices I tend to shut down in one of three ways: I slip into the void of a TV show and binge till completion. I head for videogame space and enjoy that. Finally, I can go into a corner and write. The final way seems to never happen anymore and it is generally one of the first two.
As I am a compulsive person there is is little moderation in these activities. I need to develop a better sense of moderation so that everything else is not so compressed into me not being 100% present and not being capable of being that way.