I get a lot of what I write from real life. While I tend to write fantasy and science fiction, the conflicts are very real and either reflective of what I am going through, have gone through, or see going on. I think that is the beauty of writing about other worlds than these. It provides me the psychological detachment needed to calmly assess behaviors that I otherwise would be too close to in order to understand.
One that keeps on rearing its ugly head is this perception of perfection or rightness. I feel that all of us feel like we are right about most things. It is very difficult to know you are wrong about something and still do it or believe in it or act that way. Of course arguments always arise when such behaviors clash. Misunderstandings spiral, feelings are hurt, and that raises old fears and even older aggressions. For example, I’m practically trembling with stress right now because of a totally avoidable conflict. I, feeling like I was being completely devalued and treated in a no-nothing demeaning way, responded by puffing out my chest. This led to mistakes, confusion, and hurt feelings. I know that I was not being devalued or mistreated in any way, but instead the person in the conflict was nervous and unsure and trying to understand the situation and trying very hard to communicate with a person she probably saw as non-responsive (which I was–once I am mad I shut down and just do the work). This could have been easily de-escalated, but it wasn’t. In fact with every breath I made the problem worse, and this too is sometimes what I do.
Here is where the writing comes in: I have the ability in fiction to analyze the situation from every angle–to see where everyone made mistakes and to understand that everyone made mistakes. In real life nobody is willing to admit that both sides are generally at fault in misunderstandings, but from the detached 3rd person we can see these scenarios unfold, and perhaps that will help the next person in the situation to see what is going on in their own lives and recognize the mistakes they make.
It is a lofty goal, but it works for me. It makes me want to tell the story.