I came to the terrible realization today that I completely lack the means to save money. This is especially disappointing given recent and upcoming changes to income. A man my age ought to be able to save. I cannot. I don’t have any semblance of thought of when I will be able to save. As it is I am in a paycheck to paycheck lifestyle with no possibility of that changing or being able to afford the things I want to do in life without plunging myself further into debt.
Still, I am going to live in a way that makes me happy. I am going to take the trips and provide the opportunities and do all the things a partner and a father ought to do, because that is what makes the people around me happy and what makes them feel safe and free of stress.
I’ve been called a martyr for such thoughts, but it is more about not wanting to be a person who doesn’t follow through or do as promised. I don’t want to be seen as someone who can’t do the things he says he can do or can’t provide for his family. So, I’ll just work harder and find a way to make it work and make the people around me happy.