I am still in a type of mourning over the job loss. There are indeed stages to such things. I am, I suppose in a bit of a revenge mindset. This is a relic of my distant past where everything I did was out of spite for those who said I could not. In this particular instance I am aware that I have the ability to become a faculty member, earn the right to run the center, and fire everyone who was involved in this debacle. Still, that would mean devoting my time and energy to a pursuit that was ultimately about them and not me, so instead I feel my best interests lay in focusing on the words.
To that end, I am grateful for the loss of job (not income… that is still a conversation to be had). Last night I woke under the kiss of the moonlight and I began to think about how to revamp my screenwriting class. Those moments would not have happened before, because my subroutines were dedicated to processing the anxiety, responsibility, and organization of the initial managerial job post. That is gone now. And, as I continue to process why, it is more and more clear that the job was largely extraneous to the functioning of that organization. They did not need me and having me be the voice of that team functionally separated that team from the upper management, which was the goal and was the obstacle because I wasn’t the docile mousy person that they needed to push around in that spot.