I remember how I felt the first time I experienced how drugs can tear people apart. It was more than just the destruction of a physical individual but the tearing down of morals, family, societal bonds and taboos. People are inherently animals. This I know now in a visceral way. We wear the heavy cloak of civility but beneath we are flesh, bone, desire, hate, and pure reptilian instinct.
The most difficult thing I’ve had to bear witness to in my brief stint as a drug rehab counselor was a girl who was sold by her mother for meth–to her uncle. She was a beautiful girl with eyes that held mirth and life beyond what I could have imagined someone facing that trauma could have. Her resilience reminds me that my own children, who face immeasurably less drama, will still love and be loved long after the cold kiss of fatherhood fades.
Some Thoughts:
1. There is a clear distinction between knowing you’ve had unsuccessful semesters and actually reading it in the words of developmental students. I clearly and utterly failed one class, but if I look through the nearly obscene negativity in their comments I can see a clear path to being more successful. The key there is to be more present as an instructor and more aware of organization and time management–things that I harp on every week on this blog. Have I improved? Psychologically if not actually. I know how to be better to a certain extent, but I have not been better. This summer is about rising to the challenge and proving to myself what I am and am not capable of achieving. Do the comments hurt? I don’t think I could be a feeling person if they didn’t hurt like hell.
2. Family requires endurance.
3. I still cannot figure out what the key is to my being organized.