I just had an important moment.
I was really excited to be involved in an event my school was planning and, hearing about what some specific and vocal people were trying to make it, I decide to step away. I’m angry and those people suck, but I don’t have the time or mental energy to deal with it, so I won’t. More importantly, I don’t have to. I no longer need to be in a situation where my contribution is neither recognized or valued. I don’t need to scream in order to have my voice heard, and I don’t need to lend my air to a balloon with a hole in it. I’m definitely mixing metaphors, which apparently is bad, but I’m speaking from the heart–which I am learning is more and more of the good and more of the person I used to be. The old me was a better me for it, so I’m returning to the roots of what made me me and what made me a person people wanted to have in the room.
More and more I find the person I was and the person I want to be slipping away. More and more I have been watching it happen and feeling really awful about who I am becoming. I cannot let that continue. I cannot be walked on any longer or store up all this rage that materializes as a result. None of it is healthy, and my health is hardly good to begin with. I’m done.