Turning back to 2756, which is titled Recovery, which is exactly the feeling of what I need right now. I am stressed completely out of my mind right now and am not effective at hardly anything, and I am needing that sense of a break, but it isn’t coming–not for a while. I’m streaming through a lot of negativity all around me and that is hard to deal with when I’m right, but I am suffering from seriously high blood pressure and that has been tough to deal with on its own. It got so bad that I canceled classes today, because my body just wouldn’t work. My mind was fuzz and spinning. This is not my idea of healthy living, and I want so badly to move closer to healthy living, because I want to live a lot longer.
That doesn’t happen with a 160 over 105 BP. One particularly damning article reads, “On the other hand, the life expectancy of someone with controlled high blood pressure can often be well into retirement age.” Well, it isn’t controlled and I retire in 6 years, so I’m just screwed. But I am not ready to give up. The hardest part is seeing that I am trying to do well and seeing that things are getting worse as I try. I have to struggle through this darkness to even have a reasonable chance moving forward.