I cannot even properly turnback this Tuesday, because I am burned out. It started with a project that was supposed to be 6k that turned into 18000 because a teammate dropped out. That carried a lot of stress with it, because I have this novel that needs to get finished and these classes that need to be built and taught. I was so far behind on everything that I straight shut down. It went quickly to dribbles and drops of work from a guy who was getting ramped towards prime production. These are the hiccups in life that form you and occasionally break you. I started (and still) feeling old and run down, like I don’t have it in me to be a productive human anymore. That hurt. Badly.
All the while I was watching my half my kids fail at what they live for, and watching the other half accept an utter lack of ambition. Here I am thinking, “dang. I blew it entirely. My life and legacy is to leave behind nothing.” Clearly things were blown out of proportion, but it is that type of thinking–that stinkin thinkin–that leaves you thinking that it is okay to stop trying to succeed if at first you fail or face obstacles. Then I realized two things. 1. I’m not that guy. 2. I am setting an example every dang day. If I lay down in failure then that is what the kids and the people around me see. I am already sailing in an ocean of negativity, feeling like the one happy boat out there. I cannot just quit. I have to be that light-even if it is killing me to try to carry so much weight.
I’m going to give myself today to relax and reload. Then I’m going back to work.