Rough day on the planet, emotionally. I wasn’t very good to the woman I love and I didn’t have the best thoughts about people—even family—I encountered throughout the day. Stress has been wearing on me and contributing to a growing negativity I am struggling to understand.
In short, I’ve been a mean and defensive person as of late. As out of character as that seems I am starting to wonder if that is in fact my true (or at least new) character. Some of this meanness is unintentional. Often I’m saying and doing things or entertaining thoughts that aren’t directly formed out of anger yet are reflective of a lack of understanding or dissatisfaction or disappointment in how the world is unfurling around me.
I don’t know where this unhappiness is rising from. I suspect it is directly tied to my stress and self dissatisfaction and disappointment. I missed a writing deadline, I’m behind on school stuff, I’m unhappy and off balance in terms of scheduling. In short I don’t know what to expect tomorrow, because I don’t know what I need to get done or how.
It is not a good week and the people around me are suffering on account of it.