Love is common. Romantic love that lasts is extremely rare. I suppose we have these holidays as a way to further the promise of love and to make it into an act (or action or state of being) that is expected more than coveted. We love because we must love, because to do otherwise would be alien. Embedded in the script of that normalization is a pattern of actions that define how we reinforce and ultimately reward that love. It is a ritual as simple to walk through as dance steps laid out on the floor. You date, you have sex, you fall in love, you get married. You live happily ever after until you don’t. Lately I’ve come to recognize that the steps of that dance do not need to apply to my situation. It is a freedom that can be misunderstood on the surface. It is a freedom that deepens the understanding of the commitment I have and makes me want to dance–to create my own sequence of steps towards bliss–not because of expectation, but because of a shared understanding of significance.
Once I sat at the opening for Matrix Revolutions with a man five years my younger. He told me how important it was for him to be at that film on the first night and he and I both recognized the shared importance of that moment. We didn’t care what anyone else thought about our decision to brave the crowds for a movie that wouldn’t matter to the generation of kids born after 2010. It mattered to us and it reinforced our shared understanding of what mattered to us that we were there. This is how I have come to view marriage. While it is an external expectation blanketed over every male/female dynamic, it holds a particular meaning to me and to my partner as well.
I want to get there. I want to do it right. We are together now because we belong together. Our love is sealed with a kiss. It ought to be dressed in rings.
Some Thoughts:
- Yes, I did just use the worst version of the Matrix movies in order to describe my understanding of matrimony.
- No, I don’t want a redo.