10 minutes of writing each and every day.
I wrote a complete post only to swipe my hand too quickly across the phone screen and watch ten minutes of writing vanish.
I spoke of upcoming changes in life and schedule. I talked about how the Giants are also changing. I said a great many things in ten minutes and then fat fingers rubbed it all away. It goes to serve as a reminder of how precarious words are even on this internet that seems to have a limitless memory.
even here there is much that is lost and much more that is forgotten.
So, it’s 5:24 away from the last game of the regular season and it is clear that I am about to lose the championship game. There is almost no mathematical path to victory for me, and as dissatisfied as I am by this reality it is more troubling that I’m more focused on this than I am on the upcoming playoffs.
This is a large part of why I quit the game. I started focusing on the numbers and not the action—the joy of the sport. I’m first and foremost a football fan and fantasy, while introducing me to new players and teams I would otherwise ignore, it forces my attention to raw numbers.
so, such is the way this goes now. I’m not really going to stop playing, so I am going to try and make my watching more about the skills. There’s benefit in that, because it makes me a better student of the game.
Ohio State was robbed.
listen, I am not a fan of Clemson or ‘the’ Ohio State . I prefer Clemson, but here’s the thing: Ohio State was robbed. There were multiple terrible calls that impacted the score. No less than 14 points were directly taken off the board by the refs. I’ve struggled through this kind of issues in youth games and that is frustrating but at my level it is meaningless. At the college playoffs level it is unforgivable.
I enjoyed watching the game. The spectacle of college football is as exciting and often more exciting than the pro game. This weekend’s slate of games wouldn’t be worth watching if not for fantasy. In reality the teams fighting for something either or jockeying for position or (in the case of the NFC East) don’t deserve to be there at all.
Such is the football life.
As the new year hurtles towards us (though, time being a relative thing, it cannot be clear if it is actually moving towards or away from us or even moving at all) I am beginning to think about all of my plans and responsibilities for the coming year. There is debt to surely be paid. There is writing to surely be done. There is fun to surely be had. All of this is promised in the coming year. Great and glorious change and growth is to happen.
None of that gets done without a plan.
So, here in this relaxing lull between a mountainous workload I am beginning to turn my eyes towards planning. What needs to happen when in order to make my universe less chaotic? How much do I want to accomplish? What are my goals?
I feel like once people get a chance to catch their breath we naturally turn our attention to such things. This could be part of why New Year’s resolutions are such a big deal–at least in this country. I don’t know much about other nations. I’ve been to but one other. Changing that is also high up on the docket.
As is getting better sleep. Better eating too. I’ve already been addressing the latter, but the former is equally necessary, as I find myself in what appears to be a steadily declining state of health–one that can be slowed by a change in habits.
And stress.
Which brings me to the number one change coming. I’ve got to manage my stress levels a lot better. That means developing the lab (a space where I can work), managing my time with my kids better, and not taking on so much. Most importantly (and most overlooked) it means going to the gym and finding ways to exercise on non gym days, so I can get my body back in shape to handle the stress (of life) I am required to endure.
New year is coming. ready up.
I’m not really good at video games anymore. It is synonymous with the way I’ve felt about writing as of late. I used to be pretty good. One day I looked up and everyone else was better and I was just confused and slow. This can be attributed to a number of things—first and foremost being dedication.
I am not as committed to the game as I was in the past. To quote a scene from a movie I often quote, I’m ‘not about that life’ though this raises the question: what life am I about? No idea. Maybe age has weathered me. Maybe success (however limiting and menial) has weathered me. Maybe I just have lost the ability to focus due to over compartmentalizations. Lots of maybes and one clear result. I’m just not that good anymore.
In some ways I’ve lost the competitive fire. Again, it could be age but it could just be that it doesn’t mean as much anymore. Why? Likely because I have too much going on. I’ve long believed in the Batman method. You drop out of society, go grind in a cave Or a lab somewhere and come back as the baddest dude in the game. I have lost quite the bit of grindheart over the years and I need to discover why.
yesterday while I was cleaning the house (yes, on Xmas day) I stumbled across books i used to fall into—-I used to read to train for about everything and I noticed that I don’t anymore. It falls back to that idea of dedication and time. What do I want to spend it on and am I all in? I can’t say that I am anymore.
if you’re wondering if we are still talking about video games… maybe.
I am doing this by phone, because I lack the energy to stand let alone search out a laptop. I am drained by Xmas. While the day was wonderful it was also demanding. I have been up since 4am and making merry since at least five. It is worth it by far, but it takes a toll. Tomorrow I will sleep in as long as my body and spirit allow and then move forward towards this new year.
My partner noted that there is a certain sadness that accompanies Christmas’ end. I tried to downplay it but the fact is she’s right. The holiday is over and now it is on towards the new year. There is a lot to be done before that year arrives. Thankfully there is also a ton of time off that allows me the possibility of resetting my spirit for what is to come. I am happy and wiser then before. The health is a question mark, but I am firmly in the mindset of fighting this thing and being a better me for me, my partner, and my family.
Xmas has me drained and as I type these words I reflect on all the happiness I am blessed to receive. It is truly a wonderful life.
some thoughts:
Okay, for reals this time:
Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the place
The smiles of merry was on everyone’s face.
They knew, though no Santa, there would be great cheer.
We all knew that xmas was a day to revere.
We knew, for example that presents would come.
There would be games and all kinds of fun.
There would be interesting times
Even better rhymes…
Okay. I basically ruined this one. I had a really good xmas eve, but the power of rhyme didn’t strike me this year. I am feeling more and more like this family is in fact a family. I miss my boys and I want more and more times where we are all together. We need more of that. We will get some of that tomorrow.
Merry Xmas to all, and to all a good night.
Twas the day before the day before xmas and all through the house
Stuff was not handled, leaving me to feel like a louse.
Well maybe not that bad, but still sort of sad
To be a bit off of Christmas could make one mad.
The holiday cheer has settled all around
In the early morning the frost sits light on the ground.
This has been quite different for me this xmas year,
It feels like a new family is finally here.
We are all together and feel like as one
We’ve become a family in love and in fun.
This isn’t the first year that we’ve all been together
Though it is the first time it feels like forever.
So, I made a short rhyme in commemoration
Of the moment this group becomes Talislegger Nation.
So from this day forward I’ll mark it as such
Talislegger Nation, hope that’s not too much.
Some Thoughts:
This is a good year and it is leading into another. I’ve had a good year with my partner and a good year personally in terms of growth and progress in my career. Production is low, but that is a story for the coming year. I expect to be better. No, this is not the resolutions blog. That comes later. Still I am thinking about change and growth and all of those things that makes each holiday season special. Just last year I was scrambling to figure out how to pose the Elf on the Shelf and worrying over if my kid was too old to believe in such things (answer: yes, though I wanted to believe in Santa till I was 10). Now I’m doing a makeover for the boys that reflects how much older they’ve gotten and approaches those needs in a way that looks good and creates a sense of cool about their space.
Most importantly, I am thinking about my future with my partner and falling into the idea of the things we can do beyond just taking care of our swath of children.
It is a good year and I am happy and grateful for it. Even the negative that befalls me serves as a reminder of the things that matter and what makes them matter. That is really the story of Xmas for me–having time with family to just ‘be’
Some Thoughts:
Tis the weekend before Christmas. That has a different meaning for people with shared custody. Christmas is largely about family and it is a hard situation to know that a chunk of yours is separated from you for a lot of it. I don’t see my kids again until the day of, and then halfway through that day. So we spent the day enjoying a little pre-xmas cheer.
Some Thoughts: