Month: December 2019

I spent my car rides this day listening to Ted Talks. They all seemed to swirl around the theme of identity and storytelling, which is what I try to focus on in my 101 classes. It felt like kismet. It put me in a mind to better consider what those classes may look like in the coming semester. I’ve long wanted to build these classes as a way for students to explore their own voices and gain a better understanding of what they are trying to say as individuals. This has not always worked out. The class feels like it starts with a strong theme but flounders after a bit and is oft reduced to students mimicking what they think I want to hear. What I want to hear is them tell their story and do so in a self aware fashion.

I’m looking into the possibility of having them open with a great deal more of reflective writing and working towards argument slower. It is more of a find your center approach to writing than I’ve done in the past.

The end goal is to help them to be able to really listen to the world around them–to tune in vs. tune out and see how that world is impacting or even creating their own story.

Some Thoughts:

1. Lots of heat treatments on the back these past seven days. I’ve been doing HIIT training and I think the steps and the back muscle exercises really pushed my back too far. I need to strengthen, but I cannot do it too fast.
2. My new schedule has yet to account for daily physical activity. It needs to be a part of my life. A big part.
3. Meanwhile I’m taking the meds to get right and I do not know if they are working.

We now know that there will be future Star Wars trilogies. These will not be Skywalker stories, for that legacy and possibly bloodline ends here. This is not to say that anyone not already dead (fictionally or otherwise) will die in the film. It is to say that they want to do other stories and tell other angles of the world. I believe in this idea. I believe less in the ability of a Disney Company to hire the right people to carry it off. Still, I don’t see anyone inviting me to Skywalker Ranch to pitch, but if they did I would have a lot of ideas to offer them.

I believe the Star Wars universe is filled with untapped potential. There are tons of what ifs, tons of criminal organizations and governments making power plays. There are many who roam the universe wielding the power of the force, and there is a great likelihood that multiple orders of force wielders (black, white, and even gray) will rise in the wake of this trilogy.

I imagine a story in this world built around the old concepts of Knights and Samurai–particularly Ronin, giving us young jedi thrust into conflicts where their untapped potential can turn the tide. I see baronies and space wars. I see potential endless.

What I do not see is a plan. Marvel/Disney has a plan (albeit a bad one) and they have a series of films building towards a conflict deserving of a new Avengers film. They don’t have an Iron Man reboot scheduled. They will let the world move forward. Star Wars claims the same, but there is not a lot of cool rushing in to fill the void. Everything is referential of what was, and that is a scary place to be.

The money league is done. In truth I don’t know why I call it that. I spent more capital on the family league than the money one. So, in that sense the money league is the family league and in that league I still have a chance to win a trophy.

We have 8 teams and as of today that number is down to the final four. I faced the bot, which had been largely automated the entire season and at the end was starting to pick up a head of steam. The bot lost because I had my greatest point total of the season. That is the kind of output I need over the next two weeks/matches. It starts with this week’s matchups. Hopefully the plan worked and I am indeed built for this. I designed my teams around the possibility of late season schedules helping out. It is working in spots. multiple teams are fighting for playoff spots and seeding. This is good because my top guys ought to get to play serious minutes and make an impact. I am relying heavily on the Ravens and the Niners and especially the defense of the Patriots. They’ve seen me through a lot this season. According to the predictions I should win this one, but the predictions were wrong last week for me, and I am done trusting those numbers. I trust matchups.

This week is a matchup of two 9-5 teams–the 2nd and 3rd seed. While in the other bracket it is 1 v. 4. There were no upsets. Close, but not quite. My opponent starts Dak Prescott who is questionable but will obviously play. Will he play well enough to rack up points against Philly? The same opponent is also starting Philly’s Miles Sanders, a late pickup that has worked out well. I start Chubb and Gordon at the RB and I am going to play Drake in the flex this week. I benched him last week and he was outstanding. Let’s hope he isn’t an every other week guy. Even if he is that would just mean I need to survive this week to reap the rewards. Drake gets Seattle in Seattle this week, and that is not a great matchup on the ground, but if he catches some passes he is in business. He closes against LA and they held him to 7 last time. Seattle held him to 10 according to the stats page, but the page looks like it is off in terms of who he played those first few games (he was traded).

This is an exciting one. All I can do is prepare and hope for the best.

I’m trying to build a cynical teenager and fortunately I do not need to look far. My collection of kids consists of 5 boys and a lone girl. She’s a bit of a cynic herself, but modeling the character for this story is going to take more than her. I think teens are cynical and limited in general. In my term as such I felt like nobody outside of my circle of people could possibly know as much as we did or impact the world–our world–as much as we could. This was obviously a false reality generated by bravado. I have one of those in my 5. I also have one of those in my story–the main character starts his arc this way. This is not the direction I am leaning for this additional character. I need something different.

I am building a character who becomes a critical point in what amounts to a school-shooting styled incident. The character in question winds up on the victim side of the shooter, though doesn’t lose her life. She exists in two different lights. She is seen one way by the boy who loves her and another way by the ‘shooter’. My job here is to figure out what that darker and more cynical nature of hers looks like and how that mirrors the shooter.

I haven’t gotten very far on the shooter (again, I don’t have to look far for the threads of anger common amongst teens). I know that he sees the world as operating in a way that he is forced to put up with and is extremely tired of the people around him and really just wants to do something about it to assert some level of dominance over the situation, because he feels he has a right to tell them about themselves and penalize them for their behavior. This is a trait I see in a lot of teens. Dictionary.com defines cynical in two fashions. First as, “believing that people are motivated by self-interest; distrustful of human sincerity or integrity.” and secondly as, “concerned only with one’s own interests and typically disregarding accepted or appropriate standards in order to achieve them.” This right to penalize fits those definitions lock and key. I feel like this definition is the central motivation for the character’s shooter-style outburst. He doesn’t trust people, he cares deeply about his own stuff/world view, he disregards appropriate standards to deliver his brand of justice.

In other words, he’s a teenage dude.

I’m having fun building these characters as I crawl back towards this novella and the joy I intend to see in getting it finished. I guess that space between stories is nearing it’s edge.

I have 30k to write before I get back to my novel. I just put in 3K on a psuedo-military short that was definitely interesting and fun to write. As a writer I ought to be always writing or researching, but the space between stories can be a gaping void of bad TV. Despite my many attempts to glean nuggets from the shows I watch, it is not at all helpful. My partner insists I watch male soap operas. Seal Team, Evil, 911, etc. I suppose you could say one of those is not like the other, but that is not the point. The point is that the space between stories is a trap that sucks me in and often threatens for stories to never be completed.

They are though–completed. I believe less tv and video games would me more and more story, and my 2020 promises to provide the opportunities for that. I just need to let it happen, sliding towards the writers’ life like a boy at the top of a snow covered hill racing towards opportunity. I am very much looking forward to what is to come in my life, though I harbor fears that my physical transformation is not keeping pace with my desires. That is what the gym is for. I’ll eventually be there on a regular schedule.

Some Thoughts:

1. Quite disjointed today. I feel like I am at my best as a writer when I am writing or at least reading stories. I am doing neither at this particular moment, so things need a changing.
2. Still happy about the recent Fantasy Football win. One step closer to the ‘ship with two weeks left to play. The next two possible match ups are dangerous affairs given that it is the end of season and fewer teams have anything left to play for. More on that this Wednesday.
3. More on Xmas as well. We are swiftly approaching the season to be jolly. In fact, we are in it and I still have yet to spread a decent amount of xmas cheer to all…

Spending the night relaxing with family and reflecting on this holiday. It feels all kinds of rushed. Next week is the pre-xmas week. We are going to be doing most of our rituals and I will be doing the xmas hunt at some point over the weekend. The hunt is a thing the boys have wanted for some time. They love puzzles and mysteries and the hunt allows the stockings to have a lot more oomph to them–given I do not have them for xmas eve festivities or half the xmas day this winds up being our major pre-xmas event.

No, I do not actually know what the hunt will be… yet.

Some Thoughts:

1. had a sad moment for myself this past Saturday. I was selling the ideas of my 10 yr old joining a flag team that was having a tourney that day and it felt like people were getting annoyed with me pushing that idea. It reminded me that the kid isn’t really that lauded by people or invited to ‘play in the reindeer games’. In short, maybe he isn’t that good. Maybe I am the one pushing his legend more than his skills are proving the tale. That is not a good look. The fact is, he was not the superhero type this season. He was good, but he was not a world beater as he wants to be, and I need to accept that as a pop.
2. Another interesting kid moment. My mid kid is constantly inundated with opportunities. He is special, but he knows it and that makes him quite entitled and difficult. I need to check him more often.

When I studied sociology I often looked at the world through a clinical lens–the so-called 30,000 foot view. I didn’t often apply it to the lives around me and less so to the life I live. Lately I’ve been thinking more and more about how our lives are shaped and how that impacts future generations. That thought process hits particularly close to home for me.

In my reality college was never a choice. It was drilled into me from the point where I could think that college was inevitable and the choice I had to make was which college to go to. My schooling reinforced this philosophy. I had to test in to my high school. There were 3 such schools and the top 2 were very close and entirely different to the point where had I gone to Stuyvesant over Bronx Science I would be living an entirely different life right now. I suspect there is a reality somewhere where I did, and I would love to see it. I’d love to meet the other me(s). Success was charted in athleticism on a personal note, but publicly everyone around me wanted to know what school I’d get into and what college would eventually shape my future. Oddly, there was not a lot of talk past that.

I am part of a larger reality now where college is optional for people and there are other ways to dwell in the high school life–even not going to school at all–but that has not changed how I raise and teach my own boys. Not one feels like college is an option. It is merely inevitable. I am glad they feel that way, because in my opinion, that is how it should be for them. They’ve been raised and trained to prepare themselves for college both mentally and athletically. What I’ve done is carve a path in the detritus of this world towards that doorway to success. What happens beyond the threshold is their responsibility.

My phone was stolen today. I don’t quite understand how it happened. It could have been left in the car or someone could’ve taken it out of my garage while I was working on the Xmas lights. There are a number of possibilities to what happened, but only one reality: My phone is gone.

Seven hours ago the culprit turned the phone on briefly. It was long enough to capture a location: 264 e Ivy St in Mesa, AZ. I’m not sure what my next steps are other than gather more research. I fear they will try to hack in, but that is not the worst of it. The worst is that I have yet to pay the thing off and I still need to pay $160 to insurance for a replacement. So, I’m out of pocket quite a bit on this one.

This has helped me recognize how much I rely on having a phone. It is a huge part of my daily life and in many ways a lifeline to the people I associate with the most. What is going to be difficult is tracking down all those numbers lost and dealing with the lost of all the images and writing stashed away there.

I have a couple of things to say about a lot of things, so I am going to just jump right into…

Some Thoughts:

1. The Trump Impeachment issue is a classic example of the double standard continually perpetrated by the GoP. They will bend over backwards to protect their man and ignore the nonsense he is doing as part of the job. Meanwhile, they impeached Clinton over a sexual relationship that had nothing to do with the original claims the whole thing started with. The rules are not the same for Democrats and Republicans. Often it feels like the Republicans are the ones who set the tone of the rules and the Dems merely try to look like they are the good guys and fail miserably as a result. GoP don’t care how they look because they know their voters have their back regardless. How else can we explain such a strong religious faction backing that dude?
2. Semester is about done. Grading remains, but the bulk of things are over. It is largely housekeeping and I am happy about it. This gives me time to really sit and enjoy the people I love for a while, because the next work cycle is coming and it is gonna be huge.
3. Happier now than I’ve been in years.
4. All that stuff I wanted to talk about has fled my brain. Late night and, as you know, I haven’t been sleeping well. Pets, man. Pets.
5. So, I suppose this is the end for today.

So, I’ve officially given up on the Giants this season. I am no longer finding ways to watch the game or shaping events around the chance to see Barkley do his thing. That last game did me in. The fact that everyone knew the Giants would blow it made me feel like… Like a Browns fan. I don’t enjoy that energy.

I can see a fantasy football scenario where my team is like the Giants. In fact, everyone expects my #2 ranked team to get destroyed by the #7 ranked Bot. We only had 7 people, so we added an 8th–an automated player–who we all faced. The Bot has been gaining momentum going into the playoffs and has a real shot at taking me down. Yes, that would be Giant-like and terrible.

And entirely possible.

Some Thoughts:

1. New puppy is a pain in the arse. She is not doing well with the Kennel training or the potty training. The nightly cries when she goes into the Kennel is terrible. She treats it like a jail cell. I feel like she’s been conditioned to feel that way already and I don’t know how to change it.
2. I do know that I sleep less as a result. She’s not about to stay in there all night peacefully as her predecessor did. She throws a major fit until she runs herself down and then she eventually wakes up to do it again.
3. If there is a better way to do this then I hope I find it, because it is a tragedy each night both emotionally and physically.