Month: September 2021

Continuing the conversation from yesterday, because there is no way I go through week 1 without talking about my new-look Giants. However, I’m not going to start there. Let’s pick up where we left off…

SF over DET
I’m very curious about the QB carousel in San Fransisco, but honestly, the running game is what has me believing. The D is healthy again, and given what they have the chance to do on the ground this year, teams like DET have no shot.

BUF over PIT
This is going down to the wire. I don’t know what the PIT line will look like this year in light of the loss of a key end, but they won’t suck. BUF isn’t a solid running squad, but Allen is the truth. So, I’m picking BUF in a close one.

ATL over PHI
I don’t think philly is very good. I could be wrong, but how wrong? ATL has line issues, but Ryan gets the ball out quickly. Then win big here.

KC over CLE
Look, the Super Bowl was basically a fluke. That many dropped balls will not be repeated. Period.

NO over GB
This is a straight shootout. High scoring affair to be sure! I don’t really know who wins, but I’m going with NO because of the energy that team is bringing vs. Green Bay being a bit of a mess coming into the 2021 season.

NY over DEN
Yep. I said it. Check it: Danny Dimes sucked in pre-season. Still, he didn’t have his best weapons and he will come Sunday. It will be close, but the W goes to NYG

NE over MIA
duh.

LA over CHI
Also duh.

LV over BAL
Monday night is going to answer a lot of questions about what BAL plans to do on the ground and how teams have grown to stop Lamar. I’m curious, but I don’t think the BAL run heavy O is quite at the place it needs to be given the lack of viable RBs.

I initially planned to blog about the Van Gogh experience, but I don’t know I am entirely ready to talk about it. Instead, let’s settle into the week 1 Waiver Wire and talk a little football!

Tampa Bay over Dallas
Dallas puts up quite the fight in this one and it is quickly apparent that the run game is back! The passing game is the centerpiece now though and this is what keeps them in it late, because the Bucs can score.

JAX over HOU
The poo Bowl is the best way to start Trevor Lawrence off right. Houston will not win more than 3 games this season and this ain’t one of them.

WAS over LA Chargers
I believe in Fitzmagic for the first few weeks at least.

SEA over INDY
I don’t believe in the Indy QB situation at all. They tried and failed and inspite of great talent overall, they will not beat that Seattle Juggernaut.

NYJ over CAR
Sam Darnold is about to be exposed by the team that knows him and knows exactly how to dissect him. Meanwhile, Wilson gets it done. McCaffery will roll, but it won’t be enough.

MIN over CIN
I’m not all about the MIN run game, but so many people are that I have to accept that the team is likely legit. CIN… not so much

TEN over AZ
Henry time, y’all

I’m taking us back 100 days or so 6.152. Where I found myself focusing on 911 calls posted to a youtube channel. I haven’t been to that channel since that post. I suppose that is a very good thing. For one I don’t need to add more horror to my life–especially not real life stuff. Another reason is that I haven’t been sucked into the youtube vortex where all my kids live and experience some curated version of reality. They are so deep into the ‘tube that the Jake Paul fight was relevant and streams of people playing Apex is a daily occurrence. It’s their version of my Gammy listening to 1010 wins in the morning before work.

I said back then, “Humanity is crazy. People are really and truly crazy. Through all of this we work hard to find some happiness and peace and truth and companionship in our own lives and often we fail at that. Sometimes we succeed.” I was happier 100 days ago it seems. I was moving towards hope as opposed to drifting aimlessly away from it. I’d like to get back to who that person was and how hard he worked and how organized. I know, Always Forward, but even moving forward we should be able to remember the best versions of ourselves and aspire to that. The person we want to become is a moving target shaped by who we think we are, who we need to be, and the environment that paves the road between the two. I want to be a better partner. I want to be a person who can be trusted as much as he is loved. I want to be a person in whom faith is worthwhile. It is a big goal with a thousand benchmarks along the way, and the climb is so very difficult. Yet we persevere.

Sometimes we succeed.

Groupon is back to offering me moving services. Perhaps they know something I don’t or at least suspect it. Perhaps it is another example of the algorithm listening in and taking any opportunity to craft my digital experience in a way reflective of the things I say and write. Once upon a time it was silly to say my computer is listening to me. Now the question is merely “how often?”

This hasn’t been the best holiday weekend and the last few weeks have been absolute dog crap for me in the personal realm. Sadly, there are no indications of anything getting better. I don’t want to adjust to the new normal, though I’ve expected it from the moment I boarded the plane to leave Seattle this summer. Things just don’t go well here anymore.

My partner has Gremlins. I used to get them once a year, but now she seems to get them on a regular basis. Are Gremlins transmittable? Hers seem to focus on laptops–macbooks to be specific. Her mousepads fail on a yearly basis. We’ve gone through three macbooks already. We’re on the 4th. I don’t get how that works. I blamed it on her electro-chemical makeup. That’s probably a stretch.

Calling this a reflection is probably a stretch. It feels more like…

Some Thoughts:

1. One of our puppies is a punk ass. He cries all the time because the others bully him. By bully I mean they play with him the way puppies play and he doesn’t like it and cries. Loudly. It’s rough.
2. All my kids hate English. Makes me wanna hate all my kids.
3. Revision is damn hard.
4. My favorite class to teach right now is Mythology.
5. My favorite show to watch right now is Jupiter’s Legacy.
6. My favorite food… I’m not all that into food at the moment.
7. I am into the Madden Franchise. Fun! The updates are meh, but it is always fun starting something new.
8. Excited about the upcoming youth season of football. Not remotely ready as a coach. I gotta start that process Tuesday by learning more of the play calls and getting the rhythm of who is good at what and which plays work together so I can be helpful to the OC and be able to run more of the offensive practice when the man is gone.

I’m writing this as the fourth quarter rolls in the ISU v. UNI game. My Cyclones are up by six thanks to a pair of field goals. My kids lost earlier in the week at the high school level and now I am watching my alma mater do their thing on a Saturday. I haven’t watched college football in a very long time. I haven’t had the opportunity to watch Cyclone football for an even longer time. It feels good to see the team look good and play good and I love that the program has evolved from my old ass era to become a top 10 team. It reminds me of how old I am and reminds me of being a part of something that would eventually rise and have a shining moment.

Football is a fundamental part of my existence and largely will be for the rest of my brief time on this planet (brief as in probably only 70-90 years if I am healthy and medtech catches up with the sci-fi version of where it should be now). I want to be able to watch the games and play the video games for as long as possible, but the in-person relationship is already fading as it peaks. Weird, right? I have two kids on Varsity and one of them is a senior. I only get to see him a few more games. His brother has a few good years ahead of him, but also doubles as a JV player. I don’t even plan on going to those games beyond the ones that match up with the youth practices. As for the youth stuff, my youngest is in his last season of youth to be followed by a year off of tackle and then back into it as a freshman. I won’t be going to all of his games either, which means it is winding down for me.

That time in the stands and on the sideline is being replaced, but by what is yet to be determined. Whatever that is, I want it built around a relationship with my partner. We’ll grow together.

I’m heading into a 24 day novel revision. That equates to 5 chapters every six days. That equates to one day for layout for the week and 1 chapter a day in addition to the 4 layout days. This means no days off, which is new, because I am becoming accustomed to taking Saturday’s off. I suppose I could entirely eliminate that planning and review day and still have my Saturday cheat day. What really matters is that I am deep into a revision, which is a fairly new process for me. I tend to put out drafts that aren’t heavily revised post writing. It’s always been a bit of a bad look on my part, so this new way is the cool way. Moreover, I feel very strongly that I can improve this novel immensely by simply sitting down and thinking through the mistakes I’ve made throughout and fixing them until this is not only a coherent story, but one that fields a great deal of emotional understanding that the reader will be able to connect with.

This story did not initially come from the heart. I was telling an adventure tale that hit all the notes of high and raucous adventure but failed in its basic responsibility to tell a story that mattered. The core of it is there, and now it is my responsibility to crack that core open and spill feelings into it.

Storytelling can be very reflective. I am in a place emotionally where I feel I have a lot to work with when it comes to understanding the dynamics of family and of partnerships. This story should be a reflection of that, and of loss, and it also should have quite a bit more mystery than it presently is working with. So, that is the next big step. I need to get all three into the manuscript and I need to help the reader get to know how these characters are feeling.

Long night. The nights the boys play football are going to be long, because I need to pick them up post game and that usually isn’t until around 11pm. It is a day that usually begins around 6 am, so I am awake and active for an extremely long time. I am tired and I’m still not at the point where I can pick up the boys. That will be in a few minutes, so there’s that. It means another trip out and another opportunity to face the demons of the car accident. I feel incredibly fortunate to be healthy and alive and able to purchase another vehicle. Many people don’t have my situation. That situation is emotionally ruined at this point in my life, but I still feel lucky to have experienced all that I have thus far.

Hey, maybe the rest works out too.

I wish I had the ability to take a step back from my life and truly see it from an outside perspective. I believe doing so would allow me to truly take in the breadth of the luck and goodwill that has powered me throughout the years. I struggle with recognizing, at times, how lucky and blessed I’ve been thus far. To walk away from a car accident again without injury is a testament to the beauty of life I’ve been blessed with.

So, to look at it all and to see how difficult and trying that daily life has become makes me want to have a way to, at the end of the day, be reminded of how grateful I should be for all of that. I am grateful, but I am also overwhelmed, and I am also ill equipped for dealing with my stress in a communicable way. Perhaps that is what makes me a writer–perhaps I need and use that stress as the fuel for story, and when I reach into the pit of all of it I find the real story and that is what seeps through–no matter the context. Perhaps that is ultimately how I deal and heal.

The good news: I’m alive.
The bad: I no longer have a car.
I’ve lost two over the course of Covid-19. This latest one was lost to a 2 car collision which was entirely my fault. My brakes went out. What’s worse, the car told me it was going to happen. I’m sure I’ll be sore in the morning and probably suffered a concussion. The entire front end of my car caved in on impact, and as I write this I can feel the adrenaline draining out of me. It is going to be quite the evening.

It didn’t happen very long ago. In fact, it was less than an hour ago that this all went down. I was a few blocks from home, driving the short road to the highway and the truck in front of me stopped. Traffic. I stopped. At least I tried to stop. My car didn’t respond. I slammed the brakes all the way down and the next sound I heard was the thud of my car smashing headlong into the back of a truck. The truck was entirely undamaged. My front end was bent into a V shape. One thing about American trucks: They don’t break from wrecks.

Now I am in that space where I don’t really know what to do next. I contacted insurance, which is a terrible company BTW (Geico sucks and I was ready to change). The app glitched on me so I don’t really know where I am at in that process, and I bet they won’t cover an accident I caused anyhow. So, now I am without a car and too broke to really buy a new one anyhow. I suppose I can drum up enough credit to lease something for a short while and go from there. Whatever I do, I ought to figure it out on the sooner side of the spectrum.