Day: December 14, 2023

A quick glance at the NFL playoff standings will tell you one clear fact: The Niner’s are the only team locked for a spot. That means 6 other NFC teams have a chance. Among those are… wait for it… The Giants? Yeah. That happened. The G-men managed to stumble back into relevance after a three game win streak that, honestly, could and should have been a 4 to 5 game win streak. They have been in nearly every game they’ve played in spite of one of the most lackluster offenses I’ve seen and, according to ESPN, the second worst offense in the NFL. Yeah, the Jets are first, but we don’t want to bring that up in this blog because there really isn’t enough time to unpack that hot ass mess.

The Giants are relevant because of defense. Over the past few weeks they have posted terrific defensive numbers. They’ve schemed expertly against multiple teams — all despite the drama surrounding the so-called relationship issues between Daboll and Wink. Here is the issue between Wink and Daboll as I see it: Daboll blames shit on people and Wink says, yo, we doing our part. Even when they weren’t killing it on D he was building towards that. No comment on O though? I mean the line stuff is a pure issue, but I have to ask: How is Kafka really doing? Nobody hears from the guy. It’s like he’s in witness protection–very Jersey of them.

I will say this: The QB issue is solved. The offense can run so long as there is someone with confidence a la Purdy. They need a guy with a big arm. They need to spend the cash on a line and not a QB. Once that is truly fixed, they’ll put up numbers. This last week showed it especially in the second half.

Exhale.

I lost at fantasy. Pretty badly, actually. It points to a larger question of expectation and effort, as described before. What is it I am putting my time and energy into? What am I expecting from the areas and in my life I am not putting as much time and energy into? When I step back and really analyze it, the most consistent and time consuming task I endeavor outside of sleep is Video Games. I play more than I work! I play Starfield daily, I play Pokemon daily (heck hourly on some days) and when given the freedom of moments, I lose myself in the wonder of Madden Franchise. In truth, I am writing this blog on the plane on the way home with every intention of playing Madden or Starfield (already did hecka Pokemon, but who knows?) at some point this evening. Nearly 50 yrs into my life and the work/play balance has not sorted itself out.

It won’t sort itself out on its own, so do I have the willpower to do that myself? I have to. If not for me, for the next generation. Our youngest has his head in a phone or a game most hours of the day. He doesn’t take the time to workout or stretch on his own. He isn’t grinding when he could be, thereby bettering himself in preparation for the way of life he claims to want to live. You cannot be an NFL player and not put in more work than everyone around you. So, it is up to me to set an example.

I used to say ‘nobody can out work me.’ Turns out everybody outworks me. What I’ve been good at is living off my talent. Unfortunately I’m too old and worn out for that to work out any longer. Examples need to be set and balance needs to be achieved before it is too late for me to be good to anyone still.

So, what does that mean physically? I don’t know specifics. I know I am going to start stretching and doing home workouts tomorrow. I am going to put serious time into the project I need to get done by Friday. I’m going to start research for another project as well—30 minutes a day on that one. I am going to build out a schedule that makes sense and is flexible enough that I can do it over the vacation and not set myself up for failure.

And yes, I am still going to play games. Just maybe not so much.

Given the immense amount of fiction out there in the world, I have long wondered why the same stories get made into movies over and over again. It is a complex answer in part, but it generally boils down to two things: Ego and Security. Businesses tend to be risk averse. Film making is a business. This, accompanied by ego leads to some actual nonsense. I realized this last night sitting in bed and finally watching a bit of the 2019 Lion King. This film, which tests the boundaries of the uncanny valley, is little more than a flex. It is basically a shot-by-shot recreation of the animated story. Heck, they even kept James Earl Jones as Mufasa. The difference is in the digital ‘live action’ animation. You can see the flex in the way that certain shots are extended merely to show off how good the cgi looks. It does look good. That doesn’t warrant putting it out in theaters again.

I miss seeing entirely new things. I can only find that sort of freedom and reveal in books anymore… Heck even books seem very copycat anymore. I wonder about the creative world and why it is that so much of what we consume is a replica of what we have already consumed. I’m not wondering from the business standpoint anymore, because that is obvious. I am wondering from the creator’s perspective. What are you doing in order to create something brand new?

I am as guilty as the rest. I feel like my creative power is waning hourly. I feel like I used to have all the ideas in the world, and now I rehash nonsense and try to make it sound fresh and cool. I thought I was better than that, and I still think I can be. I ought to figure out a way to try.

Life can be an adventure sometimes, and when it is you need to be ready. I walked several miles today—7 I think. That massive walking life is part of why I love being out here in the northwest. Walking is a daily factor of life and often the very reason to get up and out in the morning. The more I walk, the healthier I become, which is why I gained close to 10 lbs since this summer simply by sitting on my ass in the desert. It’s funny, may pundits act like Arizona is a wonderful place to retire, but Arizona is actively trying to kill me before I reach the age of retirement. I find such conundrums suspect.

Walking, writing, gaming. That’s really it for me. The first is me spending time with my partner and the other two are how I dedicate my alone time. I’ve always been comfortable with that. I occasionally question the way I sort out my days away from the work life, but it always comes back to those three things. Walking is largely about movement and spending time outdoors. Gaming is about getting lost in competition. Writing is about getting lost in other worlds. So, it turns out a great deal of my life comes down to getting lost or finding myself.

Some Thoughts:

1. A quick glance at fantasy reveals that I am going to get screwed over by a player who, for whatever reason, decided to ignore the fact that he is starting someone on bye week instead of Barkley. The dude is a huge Giants fan, and that just makes me mad.
2. The same kind of thing is happening in the home league, but it is to a purpose. One of my kids is throwing the game to the bot, because that puts the bot in the playoffs and knocks out a brother who has been getting stronger by the week. Well played, young man.

Experiencing technical difficulties connecting to the internet tonight. I didn’t even bother last night. I think what will happen is a Tuesday dump where it all comes out at once. Heck, maybe that will even be Wednesday. There is a kind of freedom writing directly to the computer and not thinking about the fact that everything I write is forever linked to a universe that will see it and not understand it from the perspective of the writer. Then, at the same time, I have this distant fantasy of the writings being captured and used to reverse engineer some rebirth of digital me—It feels like future AI will need to get their personality from somewhere.

Been enjoying this brief trip to Seattle. Been enjoying the fact that we don’t have actual plans with dates and times attached. I love that we have the freedom to decide how to spend each day, and as a result each day feels like living in freedom. I’ll need to talk about some things that went down in Bellevue, but I am not there yet. Still too raw in the memory. Presently I am watching Family Man on my anniversary, reveling in the irony of a show that talks about a man getting a glimpse of a better life, while I am that man living in his glimpse of a better life.  I have been extremely lucky my entire life and that continues on through these moments with my partner. I’m fortunate to have her and to have the life we have together. This is the sort of thing people dream of and often never get. Yet, here I am having it.

Life be like that sometimes.

I’m on a plane again. I’m writing this as we make our way to Seattle for a brief escape from the desert environs we call home. I’ve started calling Seattle a second home of sorts. For as much as I’ve been there over the past few years it is definitely starting to feel as such. That being said, I haven’t seen the city since February. I am looking forward to what has changed/grown since I left. I used to have that sort of feeling about New York. Back then I went home enough to notice the gradual change. Now each time I return it feels like I’m visiting a nearly unfamiliar space. Sure, some of the places I knew the most are the same—the apartment complex where I grew up, the bookstores down near 14^th, museum row. However, when I go anywhere I was only tangentially connected to, it feels like I’ve never seen the place before. I haven’t been to NYC in what feels like a decade, so I don’t know how it will feel next time. All I know is that going to Seattle feels comfortable in the way New York used to.

Some Thoughts:

1. Plane writing is focused writing, which is why I’ve been at it for five minutes and have this many words.
2. Despite the ‘focus’ I am still struggling with the project that Is due in a few days. I believe that is due to a lack of creativity. I definitely know the material pretty well now, but I feel like I am not exploring the possibilities of the format.
3. I also wonder if I am doing a good job of recognizing what I want the roleplay aspect to be. I’ve done a middling job of creating what I would view as engaging roleplay scenes. Sure, the big picture of some of these scenarios is cool, but there is almost no attention to scene work—the moments where the players say, ‘My character says…’
4. Some of that may have to do with the way I approached it. That means a legitimate rethinking of context over these next few days. I want it to be right. I want it to be good…
5. Signing off from high in the clouds.