Day: December 30, 2023

I don’t know that people are ever truly honest with each other. It always feels like we hold something back or we give a hint of the truth to spare feelings or arguments. We say enough to clear the table but rarely enough to clear the mind or the spirit. For me it isn’t little white lies that I tell. My problems always boil down to money. If anything I don’t say everything that I do for the kids–be it providing a little extra on the lunch money or throwing a kid a 20 for gas–things that ought not to make me feel guilt but do. As I approach this time of turnover and change I am thinking about how those tiny leave outs add up and create this stream of uncomfortableness which tears away that clear mind and spirit.

I need to live in a home existence where I feel safe and secure enough to be complete honest about all that I do in life. A safe core means I can devote my mental processes to other things and not towards worrying about if the core is safe. It’s basic Maslow’s hierarchy of needs type stuff. I need to feel like that at home and I need to be locked into that same mindset at work, as opposed to feeling like I am watching my back or playing political games or stepping carefully around peoples feelings. Such is what leads me to believe that I am not one cut out for politics but better cut out for writing.

So, on this eve of eve’s I am making a personal vow to be of clean mind and spirit with my partner and by extension in our lives. I want to make sure there are no secrets in the core. Even small ones cause fissures.

Some Thoughts:

1. Post 400 will be on New Year’s eve. turning over to a new hundred as we prepare to turn over to a new 365 feels momentous in a way I cannot fully place.
2. As I lean into a new semester of teaching I need to get my priorities listed and straightened out. I need to get back to having a center and being organized and applying the time I have in a useful way.

I am hacking out this post on a 2012 macbook, which is 11 years old and 6 years past obsolete. Heck, if you consider anything with the intel chipset obsolete, then this is much further down that dark and forgettable road. The thing is, it works. Not amazingly well, but it works better than spending a thousand dollars I don’t have to spend. I think about these things constantly as I try to keep my tech just slightly above bleeding late, because I cannot begin to afford bleeding edge. When I cross that threshold, I’ll know I made it.

When thinking about what to upgrade, it always starts with portable electronics for me. I run mac products nearly exclusively. I carry an ipad 10, this old macbook (unless I have my work rig which is newer), last year’s Iphone (still paying) and a slightly outdated Iwatch. Outside of the macbook, the gear seems to be legit. I do need to consider the computer upgrade, because the work rig is neither mine nor something I can load software on to. I totally want to buy a new system and wire it up to my (outdated) Meta Quest 2 rig and start being the guy who works via VR. That feels right to me.

Some Thoughts:

1. My lady discovered Girlfriend Reviews. Life will never be the same again.
2. If I am being honest with myself, I miss having an existence with friends I go visit where we plan and stage events. The white elephant season left me feeling empty. It feels like everyone in our house but my partner and I went one of those parties. That is when I realized we don’t have parties to go to because none of our people are even as close as 1,000 miles away. Perhaps we need new people… or need to move. Or both.